House Beautiful

Tag Archive for 'truvy'

Men Tell All Recap: 7 Takeaways

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Sorry this is so tardy and to add insult to injury, is gonna be so short.  Truth be told, I dove head-first into a bowl of tortilla chips & guac at Bach Night on Monday and then took a food nap through the 2nd half of the show.  Whoops.

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Then my DVR sharted the bed and didn’t record so I never caught the last 30 min or so.  But it got pretty snoozy there for awhile… right?  Anyhoo – here are my observations from before I slipped into a Mexicoma:

1.  Truvy from Steel Magnolias DEF got her hands on Ashley S’s weave for the show.  It looked about like this.  Hey – go big or go home.

truvy

2.  Kubah hands-down beyond a shadow of a doubt shops in the Cabbage Patch Kid section of the Chippendale store.  His whole (re: Nick) “…some men have babies, some men had jobs they lost to come here” bit may’ve been a fair point, but I couldn’t take him seriously in that outfit.  I felt like he was about to bust out a Magic Mike XXL-esque routine.  To NIN.

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3.  The best thing anyone has ever said on this show – EVER – was that ‘Princeton needs to teach a class on how not to be an a$$ hole.’  (Tanner Bob Costas drops mic).  And I guess I’ll give Ian some snaps for at least sacking up and owning his behavior.  Cuz lots of boys don’t.  But he’s still a goober and I think he’ll still be hard-pressed to find a chick who’ll touch him with a 99.5 ft pole after his haughty shenanigans this season.  Sidenote: the camera didn’t pick it up but I’m pretty sure Bart’s eyeballs have lasers coming out of them right now.

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4.  These words taste like acid on fire rolled in feces coming out of my mouth but JJ’s hair and beard situation is MUCH improved.  I also think he read Covet Living and started sipping his red wine through a straw and using Crest Cupcake Whitestrips.  Hey.  You gotta love a guy who’s coachable.

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4.5. AH – can’t believe I almost forgot and I don’t have a pic but I give Jared the most improved player award.  Shaving the beard helped and I also think he may’ve had some powder on but nonetheless… lookin’ good Ace!  He also gets the kindest soul award.  What a good egg.  When he was talking about how hearing Linger still time warps him back to his whirlwind romance with Kaitlyn, I fist-bumped him long distance.  Cuz it still takes me back to parties in Tristan Fischer-Smith’s basement in 7th grade.

5.  You know who’s not coachable?  Cupcake.  Cuz I’m pretty sure I told him never to wear that jacket ever again.  Toofs look shiny & clean though!

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6.  Emily Henderson in the house (!)  What up girl!

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7.  Excuse me one sec: Has Ben H gotten hotter in the last 10 minutes? fsjklfjdklajfl;kdjsalfjdksjfkldsjafl;kdas;lk LAWD.  That’s about enough to make me get a running start towards the casting office. In all seriousness, Ben is adorable but it’s not his Peter-Brady-boyish looks that make him such a dreamboat – it’s his humility.

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That’s all I got Camps!  PS: Gus says wassup.

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xoxo,

Steph's Scanned Signature

Bachelor Week 8: Swass in Bali

Meh…  I thought last night’s episode was kind of uneventful – was it just me?  Maybe it’s because the 3 girls that are left are sweet and normal, so I’m runnin’ low on crazies to rap about.  In any case, here’s what I got.  Ya’ll weigh in and lemme know what I missed.

1.  LAWD – the SWASS!  I mean, look at these two.  They’re melting.  It must’ve been 185 degrees in Bali.

Swass in Bali | Covet Living

Thank GOD I didn’t go on this season, because this is what my hair would’ve looked like.

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Slash how is Becca’s staying so artfully disheveled?

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2.  I really like Kaitlyn, and I REALLY loved her dress, and this was the best shot I could get of it.  The worst thing I have to say about her is that I wish she would take out her nose ring.  Otherwise I find her adorable and fun and endearing.

Kaitlyn's Dress | Covet Living

3.  This is a bit much.

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4.  Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird when anyone over the age of 4 does this? …or, try watching your boyfriend’s mom do it.

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Case in point: me at 4.

daddy | via covet living

5.  Apparently Whitney’s got a tickle in her shorts this week… she was really gettin’ after it.

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6.  Best she’s looked all season.  Gorgeous sans makeup, and sans Aqua Net.

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7.  I got superlatives all day long for this girl…  BEST ANSWER IN BACHELOR HISTORY:  “I firmly believe that life takes you places, and it’s not where you are, it’s who you’re with.” Amen sistah.  Life’s too short to hem and haw and not take a leap for someone you love.  #priorities #whitneyforpresident

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8.  Done and done.  Look at ’em lookin’ at each other.

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9.  The most interesting thing to me about Becca + Chris’ date was Becca’s pretty hair.  I thought she looked stunning this week.  Bali becomes her.

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Otherwise I was bored to damn TEARS.  She’s sweet, he’s sweet, we get it, but LAWD. It’s like two slices of Melba toast sandwiched together with air in the middle.  I think he definitely needs someone spontaneous & spunky like Kaitlyn to draw him out a little… or self-assured and fun like Whitney.  Am I allowed to call Becca a dud?

…oosie.  Guess I just did.  Also, have you noticed that she clenches her teeth and barely moves her lips when she talks?  It’s a wonder that girl can enunciate at all.

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10.  20-second timeout: Can we talk about my boy Chris Harrison?  Can they please do a tweener season where he’s the Bachelor?  He’s flipping hilarious.  And getting more good looking with age.

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11.  Prince Ahh-LEEEE, fabulous he, ali-ah-BAHHH-BWAAAAAAAHHHHH.  I’m sure that’s culturally incorrect and I just offended eastern cultures everywhere, but that’s the song I sing when I see pretty outfits like this.

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And it’s the song I sang all day while I was draped in saris and bindies at Vani’s Indian wedding.

Vani's Wedding

What a good sport she is.

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12.  PS I liked Whitney’s hair better right after she got out of the water.

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Anybody got a guess what her favorite movie is?  …what up, Truvy!

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13.  FINALLY – an outfit that accentuates Chris’ power gut… something I’ve been perplexed about all season.  It’s like a little silo away from home in his buddha.  Is he stowing corn from the farm in there?  Soybeans?  Did one of those chicks who threw herself at him knock him up?  Is it just a ball of muscle mixed with beer?  I don’t get it.  Kudos to my girl Hannah Cheese & her gal pal for coining the term (Go Owls!)

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14.  I don’t know what the whole pulling-Becca-aside-shenanigan was, or why he kept her over Kaitlyn, but diff’rent strokes.  The only good thing I have to say about Kaitlyn leaving is that I’m crossing my fingers she’s the next Bachelorette… cuz if ABC / Next Entertainment even THINKS about putting Britt on, I’m going to choke to death on my own vomit and boycott the show.  In other news… I was so confused how Kaitlyn managed to cry dry tears until she got into the limo.  And if Chris told her one more time how “excruciating” the decision to let her go was, I was going to throw a Thesaurus at the TV.

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15.  No joke.  This is how my man Gus watches the show.  Move it or lose it, camper! The best line of the night came from a buddy who popped over to watch: “Gus, you’re never going to be president if you keep eating paper towels like that.”  HDHSKAHDKHjhdsjkahdjkahjdha.  #gusgusforpresident

gus for president

What did I miss?  And is Becca rounding 3rd and gonna edge Whitney out in a close overtime thriller at the end?  I thought Whit was a lock but maybe I missed some mystical, cosmic, Melba Toast 4-Eva thing between Chris & Becca.

In other news, I cannot WAIT to be reunited with my favorite Frenemies next week, including but not limited to Tarantulashes, Lucifer in LL Bean and Inflatable Lady Bits. And again… I can rap in good fun about these floozies, because obviously, I’m perfect:

steph in the morning

xoxo!

Steph's Scanned Signature