1. In case anyone was curious what’s on the menu at Nick’s house, it’s Cocoa Pebbles (made of stone) for breakfast, Rock Candy for lunch, and Brick & Mortar for dinner.
2. Nick = Le Petit Prince meets Count Dracula.
3. Am I the only one who was twitching at the eerily arranged wall of gold frames chez Nick??
4. Dear Andi: CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!! There are not snowflakes in Iowa! Is she trying to catch lightning bugs? I’m so confused.
5. Andi saying “my dad and I LOVE the outdoors – I could totally live (in this cornfield)!” = the largest load of manure topped with a load of malarky I’ve ever heard. Sprinkled with deveined shrimp poop, and then lit on fire.
6. Chris and his mom have the same hair from the front! LOVE HER.
7. Iowa and the cornfields make me miss home.
8. “There’s no limits on a farm nowadays!” = the best line of the night, courtesy of Mrs. Chris.
9. If Andi doesn’t pick Chris…. I quit. Or, I might just hi-5 her for being smart enough to give him up for someone who deserves him.
10. Andi. Honey. Wake up. Josh is a doucheriffic philandering manipulator extraordinaire of a cheesewad. I call Visine on those tears. Though, his dog is cute.
11. Josh saying “I just decided what was really important” is code for: “I was never drafted.”
12. (Slow-Mo Airquotes): “Pro base-ball” in Josh’s case means (cuz we googled it), “I was drafted of high school 12 years ago, then fizzled after a year or so in the minors.” I’m going to need an updated job description in his subtitle, svp.
13. Did Nick steal a blazer and pocket square out of the back of Bud’s closet from the 1973 salmon collection?
14. All ABC ever needed to do to hook me for another season aka Bachelor in Paradise is blare an 80’s love ballad. Aka Almost Paradise. CAN’T WAIT. Also… did anyone watch Married at First Sight (my girl Karrie’s show?) last night? Cuz JAMIE from Ben’s season – and from Bachelor Pad – is ONE OF THE CHICKS WHO GETS MARRIED. You may remember her as the girl who wore the sparkly Indian headdress thing to one of the post-Bach interview shows. I didn’t have time to do pics with each comment this week, but this one was absolutely imperative.
15. Note to self: strip teases in my little white cotton underpanties do not a lasting relationship make. Thanks for the tip, Marcus!
16. The Eric bit at the end was so sad. I can’t handle it.