House Beautiful

Bachelorette Recap, Week 847

1. I’ve seen and heard some whoppers on this show, but my jaw hit the floor and I think I heard the audible sound of my heart breaking when Ben admitted he’d REALLY loved the girl he was with before, that she hadn’t really loved him back, and that he was scared he was unlovable. That takes a lot of humility and a big man to say out loud.  Proof that we’re all human.


2. I will never understand how she looks at Nick and doesn’t see Count Chocula.


3. Bart – I expect better from you!  Ya didn’t do me proud bud.  We’re not in 7th grade anymore… don’t be a d*ck.

c'mon bart

Tangent: Slash remind me to tell you the wacktastic way I size people up… okay I’ll tell you now:  I’ve done this for YEARS whenever I can’t quite figure someone out, and it helps me apples-to-apples ‘em.  I throw an imaginary Burris or CofC volleyball jersey on ‘em and I think to myself, “Self – what kind of teammate would this person have been?  The naturally gifted but selfish/entitled player who wants all the glory and pouts when they don’t get it?  The player who chokes in crunch time? The player who doesn’t work hard in practice but just wants to show up for games? Or are they the team player who bares down and keeps a good attitude when things get tough?  Or pumps everybody else up when the score is 0-23 and it would be easier to just fold?”  It’s silly but putting someone in the context of an imaginary (adverse/athletic) situation always helps me discern peoples’ character.  It’s all fun and games – on the court and in real life – until sh*t gets tough; that’s when true colors emerge and you figure out who people really are.  What did Tom Hanks say in A League of Their Own?? (I used this in my Stryker interview, ps…  What up Romsey!  “It’s supposed to be hard.  If it wasn’t hard everyone else would do it.  The hard is what makes it great.“)

4. Is it freezing in Ireland, or did she just do a giant 8 ball? I’ve never seen anyone sniffle and touch their nose so much… then again *COUGH* this has been known to go on right under my roof nose. Pun intended.  In any case, some obliging suitor lend this girl a sleeve.

5. Did I miss a doppel?  This one’s a bit far-fetched… and maybe it’s because they both kinda look like White Fang.  Or maybe it’s because I’m trying to throw Denny’s a bone since I’ve busted his chops all season and he really is a good kid.

Screen Shot 2015-07-07 at 8.31.39 AM

6. Darlin don’t use your sleeve! Go grab a $#^@#&-ing Sham-Wow for &$#^’s sake. I’ve been telling you this for WEEKS. Now hand it to Kaitlyn so she can blow her nose.

sham wow 2

7. I was sure a bomb was gonna go off on set when Kaitlyn told him she’d let Nick play in her underpants… then for a second I was totally admiring Shawn’s restraint… but in the end I realized that he probably did the equivalent of swallowing a grenade, cuz a blood vessel DEF popped out of his head.

blood vessel

8. Fair point: “you told me I was the one, then (let Nick touch you where you pee)… Why would you jeopardize that?” // Fair answer: “At the end of this, I will never explore another relationship.” I say it’s a tie.

9. She was making a whole lotta sense until she kinda scolded Shawn and told him that he needed to trust her.  Uh, not sure you’ve earned that peanut.  Pretty sure this was what my face looked like at that moment:


10. Is there a westerly wind permanently blowing his hair into that ‘do? Is the left side of his head a helipad? I don’t get it.

helicopter land on his head

11. But for real – who wrote this speech?  Cuz those weren’t her words… it was like watching a 4th grader try to remember her lines in the school play.

feeding her lines

12. Timeout timeout: his name is “Jarrod”??  I honestly never knew.  Slash, Classiest exit in Bachelor History. What a stand-up guy. I died once last night with Ben H’s “unlovable” bit, but I died again watching Denny’s shed strawberry milkshake tears.


13. You know I hate to give Nick props but that’s a great DILF sweater.

dilf sweater

14. I choked on my own verp when I heard Nick say, “…but I’m not sorry for falling in love with you.” -ew, Felicia.  He may be charming and he may be able to feed a girl a line, but it’s always coated in such a slimy residue.  Kaitlyn doesn’t seem to mind. #hooklineandsinker


15. I’ll give him/them props though – this was REAL cute. They do seem to really be two peas in a pod.


16. Duuuuuude easy on the testosterone. You know Nick’s not my first choice but Shawn didn’t even let the poor guy get a word in edgewise. The only time Nick could’ve possibly interjected was when Sham-Wow paused to purse his DSLs for dramatic effect.

lip purse

17. Omgomgongomgomg – this is amazing.  #canthardlywait


18. Somber side note: this one’s tough to swallow.  I saw this movie in the theater with my Mom when I was a kiddo and loved her (didn’t we all??) and her white suede jacket.  RIP Cindy Mancini.

Cindy Mancini


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Wise Words: Don’t Apologize.

Don't Apologize | Covet Living

It’s been a minute since we’ve shared anything – ohhhh, I dunno – that means something.  Not that Bachelor(ette) commentary isn’t hilarious (I mean, c’mon, it’s hysterical), or that fashion finds aren’t useful (sure they are!)… but I mean something with a little more substance.

I ran across this quote earlier today and re-read it probably 10x… I figured if it was relevant to me and some experiences I’ve had, and if it’s relevant to several friends of mine and what they’re going through, then it was probably relevant to a lot of people.  So it’s maybe something we should all tuck away for safe keeping, because I think when things don’t turn out the way we wanted them to, it’s human nature to look inward and wonder if – had you done things differently or been more of what you think someone else may’ve needed – things might’ve worked out how you’d hoped.  Because that’s the only thing you CAN control – your behavior.

Case in point: I have one friend – a lovely, superb human – currently in the wake of a breakup, and in that stage of the aftermath where you self-reflect and start letting all the “what if I had been more X” or “if I’d only done Y, things may have been different” thoughts creep in. You know – the phase where you start to blame yourself for the things that – in reality – were never your fault, nor were they even things you could’ve changed.  I actually heard my friend say the other day: “Maybe I just wasn’t the right girl for him,” and I almost needed to be checked into a mental institution for a minute… (by “him” I mean troubled-soul-of-an-ex-who-MAJORLY-out-kicked-his-coverage, yet still pooped the bed.)  She was knocking herself for not fitting his mold, and I had to remind her that Mother Theresa + Heidi Klum + Superwoman in one body wouldn’t have fit that dude’s mold, but that more importantly, he hadn’t fit hers.  Just a square peg / round hole situation… but I get it: when you love someone, it’s hard to not want to bend a little for what you think is the better good.  But bending and “rounding out your edges” is a slippery slope, because once you start making small concessions, you usually wake up one day and realize you are now in something not remotely close to what you really wanted.  And all of a sudden, you’re someone you don’t even recognize. The only reason I know that is because I did it – for a LONG time – and by the time I realized it I was in way (and I mean, WAY) over my head.

forgetting yourself

I have another friend: smart, gorgeous and successful, who – in the throes of a breakup with her duplicitous, drug-abusing fiancé (an honest-to-God Prince Charming turned Nightmare on Elm Street) – began to question herself… maybe she wasn’t understanding enough, or she wasn’t patient enough… etc etc.  I could hear in her voice that she was thinking about rounding her so-called-edges to accommodate the situation she never thought she’d find herself in that had just become her reality, but her edges were good things: good morals, high standards and self-respect.  It sounds nutty and it’s easy to judge from the outside, but when you’re on the inside and you’re the frog who didn’t jump in a pot of boiling water, but who instead let yourself get slow cooked from what started as a nice lukewarm bath in a pot, it’s a different story.

don't you dare

Personally, I have recently been told – among other things – that my whole life is a John Hughes movie (well, it kind of is), and also that the way I talk and weave words together is intimidating for guys and can come off “aggressive“, so I need to be “breezier.”  HUH?  I let those observations sink in and gave myself a good self-effacing head scratch… because while I may be confident, I’m not impermeable… and for a split second, I hypothetically considered “rounding out” my edges so-to-speak, or smoothing over those quirks for someone else’s comfort. But then I thought, “well THEN who the &^$# would I be??”  And the answer is this: I would be a Stepford slice of MELBA TOAST.  I wouldn’t be me.  I knew that already, but sometimes a good kick in the ass from a trusted friend never hurts: when I relayed the unsolicited advice I’d gotten to one longtime pal whom I respect and think the world of (what up Wingnuts!), he was appalled, and reminded me that the way I talk / interact is what makes me who I am, and to not ever dare consider changing it.  It was a great reminder that the people who matter don’t mind and appreciate you for exactly who you already are, and the people who mind don’t matter.

My long-winded, all-over-the-map point, I guess, is that it’s human nature to point the finger at yourself when things go wrong and think, “well maybe if I just changed this ONE little thing, then (insert something you want to happen).”  But if you do that, you’ll kinda be lost, right?  Cause you won’t be you.  And maybe you’ll settle down or get what you thought you wanted for a minute, but then wuf – you’ll be in the company of someone who didn’t already like/love you for exactly who you were to begin with. And who wants to settle down into so much as cushy booth at the freaking Sizzler over lunch with that person?  We’re not all supposed to be the same… seriously – how boring would it be if everyone was this chick?  (Let’s be honest – there are already PLENTY of her out there):

So I dunno.  I’m no Yoda and I’m not on my soapbox preaching about it cuz I haven’t been there and don’t get it; I’m preaching about it cuz I have, and it was a tough lesson in things that don’t work.  And because everyone needs a reminder sometimes – myself included – that what’s meant for you won’t miss you, and what misses you was never meant for you.  And because I know so many already-amazing people who are tinkering with tweaking the way they behave, settling for less than what they really want or shrinking themselves for someone else’s comfort. And I’m just saying… maybe don’t.  All of your edges and quirks are there to make you you, right? There is no one else in the WORLD like you.  And the right people – friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, whomever – will love, value and celebrate those things, and will gravitate to you when you’re being yourself.  So gowel (!) don’t worry about the people who don’t.

true nature


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