1. HAAAAAAAAA – “Cupcake” in air quotes is amazing. Kudos to whomever at ABC’s idea that was.
2. Ben Z knocking the speed bag off the dooflickey is just the sort of thing that wet dreams are made of.
3. Dude, I seriously can’t take this guy. I straight verped in my mouth when he kissed her. It was so yucky I thought about paying Gus in Scooby Snacks to scratch my eyes out.
4. Amy can’t take him either, which I love her for. Best line of the night? “…maybe when he sees the show he’ll reflect on himself and not be such a turd.” FJkldjskljfklajkljakjakja. Also, if you missed her shutting him down, check it out here.
5. Let’s play the doppelgänger game real quick, shall we?
…I mean, obviously.
HAjahdjshajdkhajkhajhajhaahakha. Sorry pal.
6. Dear Boys EVERYWHERE: Take note… passing notes is just about the cutest move of all time. Especially because none of us have been passed a note since the 7th grade. If you don’t believe me, just look at Kaitlyn’s face:
…and if you still don’t believe me, why don’t you call a now 26-year old hunk of a meaty stud we’ll call “Show Pony” who walked by me in the operating room 3 years ago in super slow mo, looked me right in the eye in super John Hughes rom com style, and handed me a folded up piece of college-rule notebook paper. I think I peed in my scrubs… and then I think I let him take me on a date that night. And I’m pretty sure I still grin when I think about it.
7. White Fang’s beard seriously looks like everyone in San Diego’s yard right now.
8. If JJ had ever seen Steel Magnolias then he would know that ‘an ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure.’ Also: if he’s smarter than 90% of the guys there, then he should be smart enough to know that “underspoken” is not a word.
9. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Baby Oscar’s boutah give Ben Z a run for his money. Timeouttimeouttimeout: Did he seriously just say “I think you took my breath away today”??? Ehhhrrrmahgarh. I love him.
10. …wait. Say what now?
11. Um is this the best group of dudes EVER cuz they decided to give the guys who hadn’t gotten any time some time at the beginning of the rose ceremony?? Single tear.
12. I feel the same way about JJ ALREADY in week 2 the way that I felt about the likes of Juan Pablo, Nick aka chews-on-rocks from Andi’s season, and Chris Bukowski. Also… I LEGIT think JJ soaks his teeth in trays of red wine + coffee at night. Cuz they’re 50 shades of purple & brown. PS: did you know you should bite into a hunk of cheese if you’re gonna drink red wine at a party? It creates a film over your teeth so they don’t turn red. BOOM.
13. I’ve actually NEVER liked Kaitlyn more than when she took no BS from Kuba and sent him packing. Strong move, sister.
14. Did he take 7 shots of testosterone before the rose ceremony?
15. Dear ABC: this is seriously becoming the silliest habit.
16. I swear I smell incense and see peace signs everywhere. #woodstock2015
That’s all I got!