Sorry this is so tardy and to add insult to injury, is gonna be so short. Truth be told, I dove head-first into a bowl of tortilla chips & guac at Bach Night on Monday and then took a food nap through the 2nd half of the show. Whoops.
Then my DVR sharted the bed and didn’t record so I never caught the last 30 min or so. But it got pretty snoozy there for awhile… right? Anyhoo – here are my observations from before I slipped into a Mexicoma:
1. Truvy from Steel Magnolias DEF got her hands on Ashley S’s weave for the show. It looked about like this. Hey – go big or go home.
2. Kubah hands-down beyond a shadow of a doubt shops in the Cabbage Patch Kid section of the Chippendale store. His whole (re: Nick) “…some men have babies, some men had jobs they lost to come here” bit may’ve been a fair point, but I couldn’t take him seriously in that outfit. I felt like he was about to bust out a Magic Mike XXL-esque routine. To NIN.
3. The best thing anyone has ever said on this show – EVER – was that ‘Princeton needs to teach a class on how not to be an a$$ hole.’ (
Tanner Bob Costas drops mic). And I guess I’ll give Ian some snaps for at least sacking up and owning his behavior. Cuz lots of boys don’t. But he’s still a goober and I think he’ll still be hard-pressed to find a chick who’ll touch him with a 99.5 ft pole after his haughty shenanigans this season. Sidenote: the camera didn’t pick it up but I’m pretty sure Bart’s eyeballs have lasers coming out of them right now.
4. These words taste like acid on fire rolled in feces coming out of my mouth but JJ’s hair and beard situation is MUCH improved. I also think he read Covet Living and started sipping his red wine through a straw and using
Crest Cupcake Whitestrips. Hey. You gotta love a guy who’s coachable.
4.5. AH – can’t believe I almost forgot and I don’t have a pic but I give Jared the most improved player award. Shaving the beard helped and I also think he may’ve had some powder on but nonetheless… lookin’ good Ace! He also gets the kindest soul award. What a good egg. When he was talking about how hearing Linger still time warps him back to his whirlwind romance with Kaitlyn, I fist-bumped him long distance. Cuz it still takes me back to parties in Tristan Fischer-Smith’s basement in 7th grade.
5. You know who’s not coachable? Cupcake. Cuz I’m pretty sure I told him never to wear that jacket ever again. Toofs look shiny & clean though!
6. Emily Henderson in the house (!) What up girl!
7. Excuse me one sec: Has Ben H gotten hotter in the last 10 minutes? fsjklfjdklajfl;kdjsalfjdksjfkldsjafl;kdas;lk LAWD. That’s about enough to make me get a running start towards the casting office. In all seriousness, Ben is adorable but it’s not his Peter-Brady-boyish looks that make him such a dreamboat – it’s his humility.
That’s all I got Camps! PS: Gus says wassup.