House Beautiful

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Bachelorette Recap: Three’s a Crowd

1.  Chez moi last night.  Italiano (!)  So good.

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And if you haven’t made these turkey meatballs yet, then you aren’t livin.  Gus is a good helper… look at that face!  Like no one’s ever fed or loved him a day in his life. #andtheoscargoestogus

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2.  Just a little snack to warm it up… this knee-slapper came to me via my Fairy Godmother JB from Jersey.  I have not stopped howling for a week.  You know I love Bart – even in spite of his toddler Tonka Twuck fussy meltdown last week – but this is the truth:

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3.  Another one from Megan on Twitter.  I DIE. BFdhjkhfjkahjhajkhahahhahaha.  Shiest – I get by with a little help from my friends.

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4.  Also, I know I’m a real skank for making fun of these poor unfortunate souls every week.  So to level the playing field, here’s what my hair looks like in the morning.  Pretty sure Mufasa is my doppelgänger.  You’re welcome.  With any luck, potential suitors everywhere will be reading this post.

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5.  Are Kaitlyn & Ben repping the J.Crew Kennybunkport collection ca 1997?  Hey – I’m not complaining.  I dig a good cable knit.  OMG is it Fall yet??

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6.  Peter Brady in a DILF sweater in cold weather is like a sweet slice of apple pie on an Indian Summer day.  On a hay ride.  Like buttah.

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7.  Ben H is (er, was until last week) 25?!!?  Lawd.  I’m not sure if his balls have dropped yet, but bless his heart – it looked like somebody took the eraser of a No. 2 pencil to the back of his head.  Cutest bald spot I’ve ever seen.  In other news, he’s a *really* good guy and always seems to say the right thing, but was it just me??  I didn’t see it between them.  They were adorable, great on paper, probably really liked each other cuz they’re both cool people but I dunno… something was missing, right?

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Sidenote: DAYUM.  That girl can rock a red dress.

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8.  Hands-down the best thing I’ve ever seen on this show.  I was also delighted to see him not acting like his head was inside a vice and about to explode.

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Alf has never looked so good.  That’s just not a bad bod.

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When she picked his clothes up and ran for the hills, I knew we were destined to be besties.

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9.  Is he serious with those cap sleeves?  Honey, your clothes are all size XXXS.  We can already see your muscles (…and as Karrie so aptly pointed out a few weeks ago – we can also see your mushroom tip through your skinny jeans).

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10.  How did I not know Nick had 98 siblings?

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11.  Bella’s a little sweetie pie, but did the producers tell her Santa wasn’t real to make her cry so they could shoot it and pretend she was still distraught that Nick + Andi didn’t work out?  That part was straight bizarre.

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12.  I found his Mom’s passive-aggressive dig at Andi was unnecessary… Yikes – hell hath no fury like a (family) scorned.  Speaking of his mom… I can’t decide what I liked better: her magical Birkenstocks or her ‘do.  I’m also pretty sure there’s a giant dreamcatcher hanging above her bed.

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13.  The family hair game is uncanny.  Do you think she gave him a blowdryer for his 5th birthday and was like, “ok honey… now aim it at the back of your head like this and turn it on full blast“?

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14.  Most endearing part of the show.  #bellaforpresident

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15. I hate to be an a-hole but how come nobody told Shawn’s Pa that he had a bat in the cave?  That ain’t cool.  I tried to help… it didn’t work.

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In other news, can we talk about what a baller my dog is?  Have y’all met Gus the Tazmanian devil?

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xoxo,

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Bachelorette Recap: Week OHMYGYAH She Found Captain Winky in Nick’s Skinny Jeans

Sorry this post is – oh – a cool 3 days late.  My bad guys!  It was a *COUGH* ahem – busy week… with work, and well.  Ye know.  Recycling.

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Anyhow – better late than never, right??

Let’s kick off with some doppelgängers I cannot be-LIEVE I missed before, brought to me by my trusty buddies.  Hey.  It takes a village:

1.  Uncanny, Campers.  Ben H is Peter Brady.  Peter Brady is Ben H!  Finkle IS Einhorn (!!!!!)  Also… he’s *kind* of like the cutest Who from Whoville I’ve ever seen.

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2.  Even more uncanny… as if that were possible:

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3.  When I look at him, I feel really pressured to make a decision about whether I wanna order a Ham Slam, Scram slam, All-American slam or a Senior French Toast Slam.

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4. “Things have gotten out of hand“???  Cupcake, sugar…  you know what’s out of hand is that jacket.

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5.  One more Doppelganger, courtesy of my home skillet Alison from CofC.  Amazing.

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6.  I mean.  If he has to do a #2 SO badly, why doesn’t he just excuse himself and go drop the Cosby kids off at the pool already?  Cuz the only thing that could possibly explain the perma-grimace on his face is that he’s *constantly* thinking about how he’s gonna maneuver a brick through a drinking straw.

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7.  I love that Cookie Monster sandwiched his holier-than-thou speech about depth and substance with an intro about being a former model (so yucky) + how his ex was way hotter than Kaitlyn, and a caboose about how he just needed to have some sex. What a stand-up guy!  After his SUPER deep performance on the last few episodes, the only person that guy’s gonna be having sex with is his right palm. #dbagoftheyear

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8.  Sham-wow did make a funny during the funeral scene, which I enjoyed.  In other news, Sham-wow has some serious DSL’s.  And Sham-wow REAALLLY needs to tone down the meltdowns.  I feel like if somebody makes Sham-wow weaaawy mad, he’s gonna turn into the Incredible Hulk and his veins are gonna pop out of his head.

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9.  The whole funeral scene – while the eulogies were funny, and they went to great lengths to spin it as a celebration – it JYEST kinda felt like it was in poor taste…  was that just me??  Especially having Ben Z there for it.  I dunno – shouldn’t somebody have been a smidge more sensitive to him?

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10.  Children of the 90’s…  a moment of silence, please.  When I heard the first notes of “Linger,” I gasped, turned into one big goose bump, then time warped back to a party in 7th grade in Tristan Fischer-Smith’s basement – complete with strobe lights & plaid shirts & epic middle school crushes.  Then I shed one single tear in the name of nostalgia overload.

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11.  Can I call BS real fast?  So yo.  I’m not gonna shame her for letting Nick touch her where she pees… they’re consenting adults, yadda yadda.  Big kids make their own decisions.  But hearing her say she didn’t know this was going to happen / would never have done it if she had known it would cause anybody any problems – I meeeeeean, c’mon.  Girl you’re smart – ya knew.

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Also: what on earth would give her the idea that Nick might say something to the guys?  Cooooooould itbethefactthat (to everyone’s horror) Nick publicly outed Andi for boinking him in the fantasy suite?

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12.  I mean.  That is some go-go-gadget audio.  Good LAWD.  ((Earmuffs)) #nsftv

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Sorry so late and sorry so short!  Since people don’t normally comment, we don’t always know that anyone – besides Jayne, Tina and our other bestie Melissa – reads Covet Living.  But then I got inboxed about 100 nastygrams asking me where the post was.  Alright al-RIGHT!  I get it – I’ll do better next week.  xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

13.  PS oh NUTBUCKETS!  I forgot about taco night!  So, I host a gaggle of chicks at my house every Monday for the show.  This past week we did carnitas…  so err-buddy else brought taco fixins, and I did the pork.  I loathe touching raw meat, but this wasn’t so bad.  I used this recipe as a benchmark, but when Trader Joe’s didn’t have a 3 lb raw pork butt, I bought 3 packages of already-cooked / just needed to be heated carnitas:

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Instead of “microwaving” it per the package’s instructions (wuf), I emptied all 3 packs into a large glass bowl on Monday morning…  broke up the pork chunks into much smaller shreds…  then seasoned with the lime juice, salt, cumin, garlic cloves and orange juice that the recipe called for.  Let that marinate while I was at work, and when I came home, I popped it all in the dutch oven and heated it up on low, stirring occasionally.  Eventually, I dumped some regular taco seasoning, a little more cumin and a pinch more salt in, and THEN they were perfect:

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BOOM.  We garnished with gobs of cilantro, GOAT cheese (you heard me), fresh tomatoes from my girl Becky’s garden, and the most delicious homemade roasted tomato salsa I’ve ever had – courtesy of my girl Yesse’s family recipe that she’d prob have to kill me if she gave me.

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In other news, someone brought this over.  One of the best pinots I’ve had in a minute for SURE.  Grab some if you see it on the shelf.

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