House Beautiful

Bachelorette Recap: Week OHMYGYAH She Found Captain Winky in Nick’s Skinny Jeans

Sorry this post is – oh – a cool 3 days late.  My bad guys!  It was a *COUGH* ahem – busy week… with work, and well.  Ye know.  Recycling.


Anyhow – better late than never, right??

Let’s kick off with some doppelgängers I cannot be-LIEVE I missed before, brought to me by my trusty buddies.  Hey.  It takes a village:

1.  Uncanny, Campers.  Ben H is Peter Brady.  Peter Brady is Ben H!  Finkle IS Einhorn (!!!!!)  Also… he’s *kind* of like the cutest Who from Whoville I’ve ever seen.

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2.  Even more uncanny… as if that were possible:

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3.  When I look at him, I feel really pressured to make a decision about whether I wanna order a Ham Slam, Scram slam, All-American slam or a Senior French Toast Slam.


4. “Things have gotten out of hand“???  Cupcake, sugar…  you know what’s out of hand is that jacket.

cupcake jacket

5.  One more Doppelganger, courtesy of my home skillet Alison from CofC.  Amazing.

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6.  I mean.  If he has to do a #2 SO badly, why doesn’t he just excuse himself and go drop the Cosby kids off at the pool already?  Cuz the only thing that could possibly explain the perma-grimace on his face is that he’s *constantly* thinking about how he’s gonna maneuver a brick through a drinking straw.


7.  I love that Cookie Monster sandwiched his holier-than-thou speech about depth and substance with an intro about being a former model (so yucky) + how his ex was way hotter than Kaitlyn, and a caboose about how he just needed to have some sex. What a stand-up guy!  After his SUPER deep performance on the last few episodes, the only person that guy’s gonna be having sex with is his right palm. #dbagoftheyear


8.  Sham-wow did make a funny during the funeral scene, which I enjoyed.  In other news, Sham-wow has some serious DSL’s.  And Sham-wow REAALLLY needs to tone down the meltdowns.  I feel like if somebody makes Sham-wow weaaawy mad, he’s gonna turn into the Incredible Hulk and his veins are gonna pop out of his head.


9.  The whole funeral scene – while the eulogies were funny, and they went to great lengths to spin it as a celebration – it JYEST kinda felt like it was in poor taste…  was that just me??  Especially having Ben Z there for it.  I dunno – shouldn’t somebody have been a smidge more sensitive to him?


10.  Children of the 90’s…  a moment of silence, please.  When I heard the first notes of “Linger,” I gasped, turned into one big goose bump, then time warped back to a party in 7th grade in Tristan Fischer-Smith’s basement – complete with strobe lights & plaid shirts & epic middle school crushes.  Then I shed one single tear in the name of nostalgia overload.


11.  Can I call BS real fast?  So yo.  I’m not gonna shame her for letting Nick touch her where she pees… they’re consenting adults, yadda yadda.  Big kids make their own decisions.  But hearing her say she didn’t know this was going to happen / would never have done it if she had known it would cause anybody any problems – I meeeeeean, c’mon.  Girl you’re smart – ya knew.


Also: what on earth would give her the idea that Nick might say something to the guys?  Cooooooould itbethefactthat (to everyone’s horror) Nick publicly outed Andi for boinking him in the fantasy suite?


12.  I mean.  That is some go-go-gadget audio.  Good LAWD.  ((Earmuffs)) #nsftv


Sorry so late and sorry so short!  Since people don’t normally comment, we don’t always know that anyone – besides Jayne, Tina and our other bestie Melissa – reads Covet Living.  But then I got inboxed about 100 nastygrams asking me where the post was.  Alright al-RIGHT!  I get it – I’ll do better next week.  xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxox

13.  PS oh NUTBUCKETS!  I forgot about taco night!  So, I host a gaggle of chicks at my house every Monday for the show.  This past week we did carnitas…  so err-buddy else brought taco fixins, and I did the pork.  I loathe touching raw meat, but this wasn’t so bad.  I used this recipe as a benchmark, but when Trader Joe’s didn’t have a 3 lb raw pork butt, I bought 3 packages of already-cooked / just needed to be heated carnitas:


Instead of “microwaving” it per the package’s instructions (wuf), I emptied all 3 packs into a large glass bowl on Monday morning…  broke up the pork chunks into much smaller shreds…  then seasoned with the lime juice, salt, cumin, garlic cloves and orange juice that the recipe called for.  Let that marinate while I was at work, and when I came home, I popped it all in the dutch oven and heated it up on low, stirring occasionally.  Eventually, I dumped some regular taco seasoning, a little more cumin and a pinch more salt in, and THEN they were perfect:


BOOM.  We garnished with gobs of cilantro, GOAT cheese (you heard me), fresh tomatoes from my girl Becky’s garden, and the most delicious homemade roasted tomato salsa I’ve ever had – courtesy of my girl Yesse’s family recipe that she’d prob have to kill me if she gave me.


In other news, someone brought this over.  One of the best pinots I’ve had in a minute for SURE.  Grab some if you see it on the shelf.


Steph's Scanned Signature

13 Responses to “Bachelorette Recap: Week OHMYGYAH She Found Captain Winky in Nick’s Skinny Jeans”

  • Stella! wink wink!

    Thanks for the post my friend and apologies for being one of the 100 floosies messaging you about our Tuesday morning crack!

    Gonna hook myself up with some of that TJs pork for sure! I’m feeling pulled pork/bbq sammies are on my list. And Yesse we need more of that Pinot!

    I hope Gosling/Alf keeps his shiz together and doesn’t blow it. Otherwise Fanger will be walking away with the prize.

    Oh and thanks to Amanda for whipping up the margarita pops too Monday night! Good food, wine and company as always! Xoxo

  • You know we read these! You can’t leave us hanging :). Love the doppelgänger side by sides especially. Spot on. Wish I could be there for one of those awesome viewing part-ays.

  • Please be assured, your recap is read even though you don’t always get comments! You are hilarious! I’m not even watching this season, but I still read your recaps 🙂

  • Steph… this blog alone makes me watch this show. I love you and hate you for that…

  • You don’t know me, but I’m also one of those hooked on your Bach recaps and have been refreshing your blog for a couple days now. 😉 Thanks for the weekly chuckles!!!

  • Oh yes we read these! I know several people in Denver, CO that read your recap because it’s the best! I can’t wait for all the crying next week. Going to be epic

  • There are many who read this! Thanks for the weekly laughs. I can’t wait for all the crying next week – it’s going to be epic.

  • Your Bach recap is, as always, en pointe from every angle. Like Sloane, not watching much of this season but always look forward to your reflections no matter how tardy. Slide #6: A face that screams bowel impaction. Dude needs to relax the sphincter and enjoy the game. And as for the B-ette’s Balcony Grip of Shame: Sweetheart, your V had a huge Welcome to My Downtown banner, so spare us the morning-after soul search and own it. And your doppelgangers are priceless. Peter Brady. I’m snort=laughing again.

  • Awww, a shout out on the blog? I feel the love! You know we all love and obsess over Covet Living!

  • First of all, I love your dog, Gus. You know this. So I didn’t want to be overly creepy. Secondly, I’ve shared this amazing blog with all by BFFs and they have been texting ME, “where is Steph’s Blog Post???” Girl, you got great followers. Love you and keep and it going!!

  • I agree with Megan #1 above—I only watch the show because of your running commentary. And also love and loathe you for this

  • Wanted to chime in here – I’m following your blog from Canada and share it with everyone I know who watches the show. We recap the show, and also recap your blog updates. Awesomeness. Thank you!!

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