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Oscars « Covet Living
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Oscar Fashion Round-Up

Is it just us or did last night’s red carpet + show seem to go by faster than most? Usually I’m fast forwarding thru the middle of the show with one hand, while spooning the Breyer’s into my mouth with the other, but last night I stayed glued to the TV. Maybe cause I kept waiting for sh*t to go down, dunno. Anywho, here’s what WE thought of a handful of the red carpet looks. Let us know what you think:

LIKE A CONFECTION!

K: You know when you wake up in the morning and lie in bed scrolling thru Insta with one eye shut? That’s what I had to do when I first saw this dress. I’m still confused. What are those things? Diamond-encrusted razor blades? Regardless, she’s real pretty and gets to boink Michael Fassbender sothisisallawash mmmmkay.

S: Wait she’s diddling Michael Fassbender???  Sorry – focusing: she’s lovely, and all that dress does for me is makes me think of fluffy whipped buttercream in the bowl.  I can literally hear the Kitchen Aid beaters whipping it to perfection.

WE’RE NOT IN IRELAND ANYMORE. 

K: No, we’re on the streets of NYC circa 1987, playing a lady of the street in a scene from {insert 80s movie}, in which a pack of ’em saunter to the main character’s car, look inside, and while snapping their gum say, “What’ll it be, darlin’?” while their pimp suspiciously looks at them from the street corner. I meannnnn… she looks great. Love how the color compliments her eyes.

S: She is hands-down my favorite of the night.  I love the beachy hair with that swanky dress… (why does it make me think of Scarface?)  I love that she wore earrings that don’t match.  Superb side boob.  But most of all I loved how comfortable girlfriend was in her own skin – owning it but cracking jokes and having a great time and looking like a boss… it was like Kate Hudson meets Cate Blanchett behavior.

Saiorse Ronan

THANK HEAVENS SHE’S SWITCHING TO ACTING.

S: That performance was super powerful because of the subject matter and all the survivors on stage.  But her voice sounded like what grating my knuckles across a cheese grater feels like.  Also, I’d like to borrow her boyfriend.  Like, forever.  Last, I mean.  I am legit DYING:

Screen Shot 2016-02-29 at 8.56.05 PM

CAN A SISTER CRACK A SMILE JUST ONCE? 

K: Get this girl some prune juice, cause she’s either constipated or so tightly wound you could stick a lump of coal up her patooka and pull out the purdiest diamond ever. Like, the Hope Diamond.

S: BFdhjksfjsahhaha.  The Hope Diamond.  Otherwise listen, I actually love this dress.  I think it’s exquisite.  But the hair… gurl.  Somebody tap her on the shoulder and tell her The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo came out like, 10 years ago.  It’s over.

IT WAS SO SWEET OF AUDREY HEPBURN TO LEND EDDIE REDMAYNE HER SIZE 0 CIGARETTE PANTS FOR THE OSCARS!

eddie

PRETTY FROM THE NECK UP.

K: But the dress was ill fitting, the top was just confusing, and the color reminded me of my 10th grade holiday dance dress (which I attended with Chad Ashcraft, to whom Steph coincidentally sent a Valentine’s Day Candygram two months later, but I digress).

S: I actually missed her on the carpet.  But yeah – stunning from the neck up but she can do mo betta.

Reese Witherspoon

BEST MILF AWARD.

K: Usually we wanna force feed her six #7s from T-Bell, a Pizza Hut stuffed garlic knots pizza and a Mrs. Fields cookie cake, but tonight we’re givin’ it to her: Mrs. Consuelos looked s-m-o-k-i-n-g hot.

S: Hair is on fleek.  PS I just learned what “on fleek” meant last week.

88th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

WE’RE CONFUSED. 

K: When did Claire’s Boutique chokers make their way to the Oscar’s red carpet? Olivia Wilde’s usually worthy of a girl crush in our eyes, but that choker completely ruined the elegance of her look in my opinion.

S: I mean, girlfriend still looks like sex on a stick.  And this actually looks like something I would pick out, so I appreciate the risk, but I feel like something about it didn’t work – maybe the cut.  That said, my favorite thing about her is that I know she doesn’t give a flying &#%@.

Olivia Wilde

EXQUISITE.

K: Absolutely gorgeous. And *no one* could pull off this showstopper like her, because she is downright regal.

S: Her bod looks amazing.  That said… when I looked at her dress, I got a warm fuzzy nostalgic feeling where I flashed back to reaching for the biggest stick of aqua rock candy in one of those glass jars at Cracker Barrel.

Cate Blanchett

IS SHE WASTED?

IMG_0960

IMG_0961

TERMINATOR T-1000 CALLED; HE WANTS HIS SPLOOGE BACK.

K: Plus, this get-up screams SAG Awards or People’s Choice… not tha Oscah’s. Right?

S: You know, I gotta give my girl Kate MAJOR props for that hair.  It’s always up-did and shellac’d perfectly into place, and now it’s kinda like, stunning and a little beachy but WHATEVUH.  Which is how I feel like she is in general – effortlessly gorgeous.  The dress might be made of T2 molten lava + taffeta, but I totally appreciate that it’s not another navy blue, off-the-shoulder number.

Kate Winslet

THE FEMALE BENJAMIN BUTTON.

K: Does this woman age? Also, true story: When I worked at the talent agency which rep’d Charlize a few years ago, she was often passed over for roles – for being too beautiful. Steph: This must be why we’re never invited to the Bloggers Conferences!

S: re Charlize, I can’t even.  Good GAWWD.  re being the redheaded stepchildren of the blogosphere – BDHDHSAHHAHA.

Charlize Theron

SHE CAN DO NO WRONG IN OUR EYES.

K: Waaaaaayallllll, except not lie in the back of her limo on the way to the Awards with a Joy Mangano steamer and iron out that little patch of wrinkles near her goody bits. But it’s all good girl! We love ya. And hope you saw Noah backstage and screamed and ran up to him and wrapped your legs around him.

S: Did you see the back of this?  To die for.  I bet if Noah had seen her backstage, he would’ve put down his bacon + pancaketh and taken it to the sheets for Round 6.  She JUST looks STUNNING.  That color is amazing.

Rachel McAdams

MEH. SOMETHING’S OFF HERE.

K: I’m not sure if we’re just not used to her wearing anything other than green, but the earrings could have been daintier and her teeth about six shades less brown OH MY GOD WE WILL LITERALLY MEET YOU IN FIVE AT THE DOORSTEPS OF HELL.

S: JFKLDJKLfjdksjfahfahhahahahahhahaha.  Yep see you there pal.  Love her tho.

Julianne Moore

GLAM OSCAR STATUETTE-COME-TO-LIFE DRESS. LAZY HAIR.

K: This one’s a pet peeve of mine. I’m sure she spent hours/days/weeks sloughing, plucking, dying, tanning, and doing everything to look ready for the big day. So why stop at the hair? Have your stylist put some pretty beach waves in it or something.

S: I thought everything was perfection.

Margot Robbie

WHAT GETTING THE ELEPHANT-SIZED ROCK OFF YOUR CHEST LOOKS LIKE.

K: Y’all read the hot-off-the-press Vanity Fair interview with her right? The one in which, when asked about Ben Affleck’s ginormous back tat of a phoenix rising from the ashes, replied with, “Bless his heart.”? She looks great. Perfectly coiffed and though it’s usually not our fave color on the red carpet, this black dress is gorgeously cut, and super flattering. G’on girl.

S: Dear Ben Affleck – how’s that Nanny working out for ya?  …uh, yeah.  And bravo to our girl for keeping it so classy, no matter what insane amount of upheaval just went on in your personal life.

Jennifer Garner

BIGGEST, HOTTEST, MESSIEST MESS OF THE DECADE.

Heidi Klum

K&S: And when we saw the below Instagram posted last night, we about spit up our wine:

Heidi Klum via @betches

WHAT HAPPENED TO HER FACE? 

K: Oh, and the dress is perfection. No, but seriously, Google “Olivia Munn Before & After” and voila. (They call me the Plastic Surgery Whisperer)

S: I never paid much attention to her before so I didn’t see her before/after face sitch… I thought the color of the dress and the lipstick was P-E-R-F-E-C-T. And why didn’t I know she was dating Aaron Rodgers??

Olivia Munn

LOVE HER. 

K: Loved her in Sicario (SO badass), and she looks beautiful here. I just wish her dress – and I’m getting a smidge picky here – was a darker shade of pink. I think she’s a little washed out. But I still think she looks gorge.

S: Miranda Priestly would not be pleased with what’s happening south of her neck, but I adore this from the neck up.  And her.  And that clutch.

Emily Blunt

K: PRETTIEST DRESS FROM THE RUE MCCLANAHAN COLLECTION. 

Daisy Ridley

S: She actually reminds me of a little sprite… or, that face Reese Witherspoon makes in Cruel Intentions.  Member?

reese

SHE’S IN SICK SHAPE, AND ROCKS MANY A RED CARPET DRESS.

K: But you know what else she’s rocking here? A dress the color of a 90s slap bracelet, icy diamonds on her chest and a deep red stain. No bueno. Way too many looks… way too busy. 

S: Yeah.  What she said.  Love her tho.  PS have you seen her & Liev’s house in Arch Digest??  That kitchen is ammmaaaaaaazing.

Naomi Watts

 

What’d YOU guys think of the looks, and while we’re at it, the show?

xoxo,

karrie and steph signature

 

 

Oscar Fashion

BOOM!  That settles it.  I’m switching teams.

Just kidding, but SERIOUSLY: the side part… that LIP… the bejewled tassel… the deep V – this is a SHOW STOPPER. And I love that it’s a showstopper without her boobs hitting her in the chin or without her doing anything scandalous.  She’s just exquisite… in a Scarface throwback kind of way.  Best Dressed 1 of 3.  The Wolf is a MO-ron.

Margot

Her post-baby bod is sculpted perfection, but between the hair and the X-Men costume, I’m frightened.

scarlett-johansson

KILLED IT.  Gone Girl done got it RIGHT.  I love that this has a vintage bombshell feel to it.  There was a second when I thought I was looking at Vivien Leigh ca 1940 something – probably when they panned in on her waist that’s the size of my wrist. Hair, makeup and strappy heels are also perfection.  Best Dressed 2 of 3.

rosamund-pike

This was beautiful, and like something that belongs in a museum.  I expect nothing less from her.

Lupita

Very OP.  Not my favorite but I loved it – probably because I love her for always doing something different and being so comfortable in her own skin.

Kerry

I meeeeean.  It’s really pretty.  She looks gorgeous.  I have nothing bad to say about this, other than the fact that it didn’t blow up my shorts.  I was excited to see her, but when I did I just went:  “Eh.  Alrighty.”

Julianna

That looks like fun.

jennifer-aniston-emma-stone

Honestly, this is the best she’s looked in quite some time.  The detail of that dress was beautiful.  And she looks so at ease – like she went to the beach this morning, ran some errands, then got dressed for the Oscars.  I love that.

Jen

A million yards of bejeweled pantyhose.  Slash, I love it.

J Lo

This I cannot handle.  That elephantitus of the corsage reminds me of those paper flowers that you order on Etsy and then have to pull apart and hang from the ceiling for kiddies’ birthday parties.  The earrings are too much.  Worst dressed.  And I think I’m tainted because I’ve heard her say one too many snobby, clueless things in the media the past few years.  Color’s pretty though.  And she obviously busts her hump in the gym, so I gotta give her props for that.

Gwyneth

I adore her, and that color is exquisite, and the back of it is great, and her confidence is ALWAYS her best accessory…  but I dunno.  This aged her for me.  In a reptilian octogenarian sort of way.  Maybe if her hair had been pulled up and in a really mod updo that offset the dowdiness of the dress, it would’ve helped?

Emme

Love her, love the dress, love the ponytail more than anything.  Also love that she borrowed one of the sparkly ropes she got tied up with in 50 Shades and wove it into her attire.

Dakota

Prettiest dress for a black tie wedding in Palm Beach.  Or for the Prom.  Or to host the Miss America pageant.

Anna

PERFECTION.  Best dressed 3 of 3.  The hair/center part, the dewy complexion, the earrings… and the DRESS!  It looks so fresh & pretty, and so perfectly tailored.

Reese2

87th Annual Academy Awards - Arrivals

I mean.  I can’t even.

reese-witherspoon

Why so glum, dragon lady?

anna-wintour-bee-shaffer

I was so sad I didn’t get to see my girl Kate on the carpet!  But this is what she sported to an Oscar party.  Which, of course, is amazing.

kate-hudson

Huh.  Kind of an unlikely pair.  I kept wondering what Meryl was thinking.  Or how J Lo manages to look 22 when she’s 45.  That woman is a wonder.

meryl-streep-jennifer-lopez

Whose hair looks prettier?

keith-urban-nicole-kidman

Haaaaa – I love him and I loved his bit with Anna & Neil.  He looks so tired though! Take a nap there little fella!  Also, I’m pretty sure his tux pants were from Baby Gap.

anna-kendrick-jack-black

Maybe it’s because he’s hilarious – and so endearing in roles he played in movies like Dan in Real Life and Crazy Stupid Love – but I think Steve Carrell is adorable.  And I don’t think he’s ever looked better.

nancy-carell-steve-carell

Watching Ethan Hawke in Boyhood made me like him again… and almost made me forget for a sec that his marriage to Uma ended when he got busted porking the Nanny.  Wait – or was that Jude Law?  Ahh I can’t keep all the cheaters straight.

ethan-hawke-ryan-hawke

I could’ve lived with Gwyneth’s choice if it would’ve been this number.

karolina-kurkova

I thought she looked beautiful, and that color on her was perfection.

octavia-spencer

Sweet Jesus, where do I start??  What’s up with the white patent space boots, the lumberjack beard (I love some scruff, but seriously, that’s like a 70’s bush glued onto his face), and the baby blue suit I’m pretty sure he scooped up at a shop in Harlem with bars on the windows.  Also, yo Ma – could you pass Jared some of my No More Tangles for his hair?  And maybe some Summer’s Eve for his face.  #worstdressedman

jared-leto

Age appropriate and really gorgeous… but what was it about this that I couldn’t swallow??  Maybe that she seemed so rigid to me?  Like something was forced, and like everything was coiffed and gelled perfectly into place.  And – honestly… like she had to drop the Cosby kids off at the pool.

faith-hill-tim-mcgraw

My homegirl.  Love her.  And how ’bout when Patricia Arquette started rapping about equal pay and Meryl stood up and starting throwing her arms around like she was at an Eminem concert??  They can both go on with they bad selves.

meryl-streep

Love the dress, hate the hair.

zoe-saldana

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.  I kind of expect more from her.

jessica-chastain

I don’t even know what to say about this, other than the fact that that iridescent inside-of-a-pretty-seashell color was my favorite color in 4th grade.

nicole-kidman

Oh sugar pie…  Felicity Jones is SO incredibly stunning and sweet that she literally could’ve stolen the carpet all awards season… and instead the miles and miles of taffeta drapes she wore as dresses swallowed her whole.

felicity-jones

Is her skin made of velvet?  I mean seriously.  I also dig the deep burgundy lip.

chrissy-teigen

Perfect for the VMA’s.

naomi-watts

naomi-watts 2

Perfect for HER.  Sans the bed head / gym class bun.

patricia-arquette

Yawn.

sienna-miller

The Fashion Police people knocked this, and I think it’s bad a$$.

Cate

Didn’t love the dress, but her earrings were my favorite accessory of the night… next to Margot’s bejeweled tassel.

US-OSCARS-ARRIVALS

PS, last night I won the Oscar for most Girl Scout cookies eaten in one sitting.  BANG.

Steph Oscars

The only thing all night that made me tear up:

JK Simmons Quote

What did you guys think??  Faves?  Best & Worst?  Spill it.

xoxo,

Steph's Scanned Signature

 





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