House Beautiful

Bachelor Week 8: Swass in Bali

Meh…  I thought last night’s episode was kind of uneventful – was it just me?  Maybe it’s because the 3 girls that are left are sweet and normal, so I’m runnin’ low on crazies to rap about.  In any case, here’s what I got.  Ya’ll weigh in and lemme know what I missed.

1.  LAWD – the SWASS!  I mean, look at these two.  They’re melting.  It must’ve been 185 degrees in Bali.

Swass in Bali | Covet Living

Thank GOD I didn’t go on this season, because this is what my hair would’ve looked like.

buckwheat 357

Slash how is Becca’s staying so artfully disheveled?

becca

2.  I really like Kaitlyn, and I REALLY loved her dress, and this was the best shot I could get of it.  The worst thing I have to say about her is that I wish she would take out her nose ring.  Otherwise I find her adorable and fun and endearing.

Kaitlyn's Dress | Covet Living

3.  This is a bit much.

FullSizeRender_2

4.  Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird when anyone over the age of 4 does this? …or, try watching your boyfriend’s mom do it.

FullSizeRender_3

Case in point: me at 4.

daddy | via covet living

5.  Apparently Whitney’s got a tickle in her shorts this week… she was really gettin’ after it.

FullSizeRender_4

6.  Best she’s looked all season.  Gorgeous sans makeup, and sans Aqua Net.

FullSizeRender_5

7.  I got superlatives all day long for this girl…  BEST ANSWER IN BACHELOR HISTORY:  “I firmly believe that life takes you places, and it’s not where you are, it’s who you’re with.” Amen sistah.  Life’s too short to hem and haw and not take a leap for someone you love.  #priorities #whitneyforpresident

FullSizeRender_8

8.  Done and done.  Look at ’em lookin’ at each other.

FullSizeRender_6

chris

9.  The most interesting thing to me about Becca + Chris’ date was Becca’s pretty hair.  I thought she looked stunning this week.  Bali becomes her.

stunner

Otherwise I was bored to damn TEARS.  She’s sweet, he’s sweet, we get it, but LAWD. It’s like two slices of Melba toast sandwiched together with air in the middle.  I think he definitely needs someone spontaneous & spunky like Kaitlyn to draw him out a little… or self-assured and fun like Whitney.  Am I allowed to call Becca a dud?

…oosie.  Guess I just did.  Also, have you noticed that she clenches her teeth and barely moves her lips when she talks?  It’s a wonder that girl can enunciate at all.

becca

10.  20-second timeout: Can we talk about my boy Chris Harrison?  Can they please do a tweener season where he’s the Bachelor?  He’s flipping hilarious.  And getting more good looking with age.

chris harrison

11.  Prince Ahh-LEEEE, fabulous he, ali-ah-BAHHH-BWAAAAAAAHHHHH.  I’m sure that’s culturally incorrect and I just offended eastern cultures everywhere, but that’s the song I sing when I see pretty outfits like this.

prince ali

And it’s the song I sang all day while I was draped in saris and bindies at Vani’s Indian wedding.

Vani's Wedding

What a good sport she is.

me and vani

12.  PS I liked Whitney’s hair better right after she got out of the water.

bouffant

Anybody got a guess what her favorite movie is?  …what up, Truvy!

Trudy

13.  FINALLY – an outfit that accentuates Chris’ power gut… something I’ve been perplexed about all season.  It’s like a little silo away from home in his buddha.  Is he stowing corn from the farm in there?  Soybeans?  Did one of those chicks who threw herself at him knock him up?  Is it just a ball of muscle mixed with beer?  I don’t get it.  Kudos to my girl Hannah Cheese & her gal pal for coining the term (Go Owls!)

power gut

14.  I don’t know what the whole pulling-Becca-aside-shenanigan was, or why he kept her over Kaitlyn, but diff’rent strokes.  The only good thing I have to say about Kaitlyn leaving is that I’m crossing my fingers she’s the next Bachelorette… cuz if ABC / Next Entertainment even THINKS about putting Britt on, I’m going to choke to death on my own vomit and boycott the show.  In other news… I was so confused how Kaitlyn managed to cry dry tears until she got into the limo.  And if Chris told her one more time how “excruciating” the decision to let her go was, I was going to throw a Thesaurus at the TV.

kaitlyn exit

15.  No joke.  This is how my man Gus watches the show.  Move it or lose it, camper! The best line of the night came from a buddy who popped over to watch: “Gus, you’re never going to be president if you keep eating paper towels like that.”  HDHSKAHDKHjhdsjkahdjkahjdha.  #gusgusforpresident

gus for president

What did I miss?  And is Becca rounding 3rd and gonna edge Whitney out in a close overtime thriller at the end?  I thought Whit was a lock but maybe I missed some mystical, cosmic, Melba Toast 4-Eva thing between Chris & Becca.

In other news, I cannot WAIT to be reunited with my favorite Frenemies next week, including but not limited to Tarantulashes, Lucifer in LL Bean and Inflatable Lady Bits. And again… I can rap in good fun about these floozies, because obviously, I’m perfect:

steph in the morning

xoxo!

Steph's Scanned Signature

16 Responses to “Bachelor Week 8: Swass in Bali”


  • I had a tough time taking Chris seriously when he was dressed like Katut from “Eat.Pray.Love.” And his heavy sighs when he gave Kaitlyn the heave-ho had me watching for hyperventilation. I don’t think Becca is so much a dud as she is painfully uncomfortable in her own skin. Plus she recently gave her virginity speech, which while brave made her more reticent. Kaitlyn was never on my radar: I always thought she was in it to win it more than win him. Rebuttals always welcome:)

  • Your recap’s better than the show, per usual. Points of agreement/dis:

    I had no love for Kaitlyn. In fact, I barely remembered who she was. Maybe this was due to her lack of spunk or due to the fact that I initally had love for Britt and then for Becca and then for Whitney, sprinkled with hate for Pocahontas and all of this over-shadowed K. Take-away – Not sad to see her go.

    Becca’s lack of mouth movement has interested me for a while. Doesn’t make me love her less, but makes me curious. Is it a lipstick/gloss preserving thing? Or so she doesn’t get wrinkles around her mouth? Or…I don’t know.

    Whit looked beautiful coming out of the water. Agree on the ‘better than in the rose ceremony’ point. Although, Trudy is my idol. Have you met me? Dolly is my idol too.

    Becca’s hair for the win. Seriously. How did she do that?? I might have semi-decent hair on a semi-regular basis but mine would’ve looked like shite in Bali. For realz. I have a difficult enough time in San Diego. I need to talk with Becca when she gets home and get some tips. Yes, she’s coming home and not going to the prarie. Whit for VP, Gus’s got the other in the bag.

  • I was on to the power gut on episode 1. i pointed it out to mayleesha…he got some serious reactivity to all the booze they’re feedin him…

  • love your commentary

    Love you more.

    P.S. I believe Dolly’s name was Truvey instead of Trudy.

  • Love your commentary.

    Love you more.

    P.S. I believe Dolly Parton’s name was Truvey.

  • It definitely just wasn’t you. After all of the fireworks this season, last night’s episode was indeed sort of ‘meh.’ Fortunately we have WTA soon!

  • I love your commentary! Thank you Becky Paye for sharing because these has been better than the show! I wish the contestants (is that P.C.?) were as funny as you. Kaitlin had some good lines, but I never thought she’d get as far as she did- more so because he’s not up to HER speed. Her humor would be lost on him.

    I’m not convinced either Whitney or Becca will end up actually married to this guy. But it’s been an interesting season! It looks like Becca is getting grilled my momma in the finale! “If my son proposes, are you prepared to say YES?!” Oy Vey!

  • This is hilarious. Best recap ever! I gasped when he sent Kaitlyn home. What an idiot. She’s amazing in every way. I would love love love Kaitlyn to be the next Bachelorette. I think she’s just too cool for any guy who comes on the show though…

    • She’s a cool chick – I’m with ya Rachel. I don’t think he knew what to do with her (long term)… And honestly I think she would’ve been bored. I was surprised how much more I liked her at the end of the season though.

Leave a Reply to Rachel