Meh… I thought last night’s episode was kind of uneventful – was it just me? Maybe it’s because the 3 girls that are left are sweet and normal, so I’m runnin’ low on crazies to rap about. In any case, here’s what I got. Ya’ll weigh in and lemme know what I missed.
1. LAWD – the SWASS! I mean, look at these two. They’re melting. It must’ve been 185 degrees in Bali.
Thank GOD I didn’t go on this season, because this is what my hair would’ve looked like.
Slash how is Becca’s staying so artfully disheveled?
2. I really like Kaitlyn, and I REALLY loved her dress, and this was the best shot I could get of it. The worst thing I have to say about her is that I wish she would take out her nose ring. Otherwise I find her adorable and fun and endearing.
3. This is a bit much.
4. Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird when anyone over the age of 4 does this? …or, try watching your boyfriend’s mom do it.
Case in point: me at 4.
5. Apparently Whitney’s got a tickle in her shorts this week… she was really gettin’ after it.
6. Best she’s looked all season. Gorgeous sans makeup, and sans Aqua Net.
7. I got superlatives all day long for this girl… BEST ANSWER IN BACHELOR HISTORY: “I firmly believe that life takes you places, and it’s not where you are, it’s who you’re with.” Amen sistah. Life’s too short to hem and haw and not take a leap for someone you love. #priorities #whitneyforpresident
8. Done and done. Look at ’em lookin’ at each other.
9. The most interesting thing to me about Becca + Chris’ date was Becca’s pretty hair. I thought she looked stunning this week. Bali becomes her.
Otherwise I was bored to damn TEARS. She’s sweet, he’s sweet, we get it, but LAWD. It’s like two slices of Melba toast sandwiched together with air in the middle. I think he definitely needs someone spontaneous & spunky like Kaitlyn to draw him out a little… or self-assured and fun like Whitney. Am I allowed to call Becca a dud?
…oosie. Guess I just did. Also, have you noticed that she clenches her teeth and barely moves her lips when she talks? It’s a wonder that girl can enunciate at all.
10. 20-second timeout: Can we talk about my boy Chris Harrison? Can they please do a tweener season where he’s the Bachelor? He’s flipping hilarious. And getting more good looking with age.
11. Prince Ahh-LEEEE, fabulous he, ali-ah-BAHHH-BWAAAAAAAHHHHH. I’m sure that’s culturally incorrect and I just offended eastern cultures everywhere, but that’s the song I sing when I see pretty outfits like this.
And it’s the song I sang all day while I was draped in saris and bindies at Vani’s Indian wedding.
What a good sport she is.
12. PS I liked Whitney’s hair better right after she got out of the water.
Anybody got a guess what her favorite movie is? …what up, Truvy!
13. FINALLY – an outfit that accentuates Chris’ power gut… something I’ve been perplexed about all season. It’s like a little silo away from home in his buddha. Is he stowing corn from the farm in there? Soybeans? Did one of those chicks who threw herself at him knock him up? Is it just a ball of muscle mixed with beer? I don’t get it. Kudos to my girl Hannah Cheese & her gal pal for coining the term (Go Owls!)
14. I don’t know what the whole pulling-Becca-aside-shenanigan was, or why he kept her over Kaitlyn, but diff’rent strokes. The only good thing I have to say about Kaitlyn leaving is that I’m crossing my fingers she’s the next Bachelorette… cuz if ABC / Next Entertainment even THINKS about putting Britt on, I’m going to choke to death on my own vomit and boycott the show. In other news… I was so confused how Kaitlyn managed to cry dry tears until she got into the limo. And if Chris told her one more time how “excruciating” the decision to let her go was, I was going to throw a Thesaurus at the TV.
15. No joke. This is how my man Gus watches the show. Move it or lose it, camper! The best line of the night came from a buddy who popped over to watch: “Gus, you’re never going to be president if you keep eating paper towels like that.” HDHSKAHDKHjhdsjkahdjkahjdha. #gusgusforpresident
What did I miss? And is Becca rounding 3rd and gonna edge Whitney out in a close overtime thriller at the end? I thought Whit was a lock but maybe I missed some mystical, cosmic, Melba Toast 4-Eva thing between Chris & Becca.
In other news, I cannot WAIT to be reunited with my favorite Frenemies next week, including but not limited to Tarantulashes, Lucifer in LL Bean and Inflatable Lady Bits. And again… I can rap in good fun about these floozies, because obviously, I’m perfect: