House Beautiful

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Q&A with Rob Mills, aka The Big Bachelor Kahuna, aka The Only Person We Want to Speak With Today

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Who is Rob Mills, you ask??  “Millsy,” as we like to call him (Twitter handle = @millsy11374) is none other than a Senior VP at ABC Entertainment.  Ye know – NBD. And on the morning of the day that is like the Super Bowl of reality TV finales – where both Chris Soules’ heart and the Bachelorette crown are still anybody’s game – Millsy graciously agreed to do a little round of ping pong Q&A with us.

Q: Where do you hail from?

A: Glastonbury, CT

Q: Where’s the coolest place you’ve ever visited?

A: Probably a tie between Switzerland and Tahiti, both of which I went to courtesy of The Bachelor/ette.

Q: If you had a personal theme song, what would it be?

A: Hmmm….I feel like that changes all the time. Right now let’s say “Lunatic Fringe” by Red Rider.

Q: If you came to one of Steph’s Monday night parties, what party favor would you bring?

Bach party

A:  Roses of course! As well as a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.

Q:  K.  Now that we’ve gotchoo all acquainted, level with us for a sec: How do some of these girls manage to pass the psych tests before they go on the show? …seriously.  Cuz the folks at home all know that most seasons, there are just a few “special” gems that are a few sandwiches short of a picnic.


A:  They are all tested and they ALL pass. We take it very seriously… even if we do make them fill it out in crayon.

Q:  Favorite Bachelor / Bachelorette of all time?  Favorite Bachelor(ette) couple of all time?

A:  I love them all and they are all tied for first. That being said, I will always have a special place in my heart for Brad Womack. That guy is awesome.

Brad Womack

I love all the couples as well. As really funny and fun. I do think Jason and Molly had to endure the most and they’re really cool people so let’s say them!


Q:  Of all the dating & reality TV shows out there, watching the Bach is like a national pastime.  Why do you think people in America (*cough*) like Steph are so invested in the show?

A:  I wish I knew! I think it’s the combination of comedy (intentional and unintentional) and the fact it’s cast so well that you really care about everyone on the show.

Q:  Other than yours truly, who are some of your favorite Bachelor(ette) commentators?  Jason Biggs and his wife (Jenny Mollen), Anna Kendrick and Possessionista crack us up – anyone else we should be following for a good chuckle every Monday night Tuesday morning?

A:  Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family live tweets and is hysterical. Also, if you don’t know about @bachelorburnbk you’re missing out.  Also Andrea Lavinthal, Jennifer Weiner, One Chicklette and Emily L. Foley are all great tweeters from Bachelornation.

Q:  We know you can’t tell us who the next Bachelorette is (pleaseletitbekaitlynpkeaseletitbekaitlyn), but can you give us a clue??

A: Watch Monday and watch closely.  All I can say is you’re not going to want to miss this!

Sidenote: We had some further chatter about this after the Q&A, and also heard some other rumblings which led us to believe that there is going to be a MAJOR curveball when it comes to tonight’s Bachelorette selection.  Like, ma-jor.  Steph’s prediction? They do something outta left field, like bring Nikki Ferrell back… or even pull a Brad Womack and do Andi Dorfman Part Deux (but that’s probably too soon). Confession – we might be more excited for this revelation than to see who Chris actually picks. #oosie


Q: Put yourself in the girls’ shoes for a second: would YOU move to the thriving metropolis of Arlington, Iowa if it meant being the future Mrs. Prince Farming?


A:  REALLY good question. I live in Los Angeles but do love the pleasures of small town America (as I assume you girls do as well, or do you not miss Mellencamp country?) and could totally do it.  Plus, the one thing we haven’t really shown you about Chris is he’s really funny.  It would be a good life.  Maybe that’s tomorrow’s shocking twist and I end up with him.

Q:  Best part of working on the show.  Go.

A:  Honestly… working with amazing producers and crew and also how much joy this show brings to people.

Q:  Last but not least: For all those souls out there looking for love and dying to throw their hats in the ring for upcoming seasons, what are the 3 qualities you guys look for when you’re casting.

A:  An outgoing personality, an at least cursory knowledge of yourself and a sense of fun. 

Shtoophy (Karrie’s note: *Ahem, Bachelor producers, I’ve got the girl for you… you’re welcome)

(Steph’s note: *Karrie, just for that, the abominable snowman pic of you is hitting the streets this week.)

Thanks fer playin’, Millsy!!!  If anyone needs us, we’ll be chomping at the bit and anxiously awaiting tonight’s finale.


Karrie & Steph

Bachelor Week 5: Driving the Minivan to Hell


Tiiiiiiiimeouttimeouttimeout…  Before we even launch into this week’s lunacy, may I please retract last week’s sugary statement about how wholesome and unassuming Jade was?  Cuz SOMEBODY inbox’d me Jason Biggs’ tweet, which was a bare nekkid remnant from Cinderella’s Jade’s stint in the porn industry, and it was more of anyone’s she-vittles than I *ever* needed to see…   (PARENTS THE WORLD OVER, I WOULD NOT CLICK THAT LINK IF I WERE YOU, UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SCARRED FOR LIFE…)  Pretty sure I washed my eyeballs out with soap afterward.  Because I am Little Bo Peep.

steph as a kiddo

Alright.  Onto Week 5.  Here we go:

1. Can I get a big round of applause for ABC, who graciously treated sweet Meghan to her VERY first, all-expense-paid trip to the tropical, foreign beaches of Santa Fe, New Mexico??  Now in all seriousness…  I get why the girls have to take the Myers Briggs test, STD tests and the psych tests before they come on the show.   But just fer sh*ts & giggles:  somebody throw a spelling, geography or math test in the mix. And maybe check to see if everyone spells her own name right, just for good measure.  That said… I still love her.  I can’t help it.  The chick is hilarious.


2. I am so uncomfortable I can’t stand it.  Gus and I hid under the couch in unison with earmuffs and blinders on.  Watching Chris & Carly play strip yoga might actually be THE only thing worse than being forced to watch porn sitting sandwiched between your parents.  And by porn, naturally I mean Jade.


3.  “It’s called heart, um….  Oh yeah-yeah.  I remember: ‘congestive heart failure.'”  I have no words… except to say I think it’s in almost as poor taste for me to say that I think she may’ve put Clorox in her husband’s coffee as it is for her to talk about his passing with a nonchalant grin on her face and the giddy excitement of someone who thinks she’s about to make it big on TV.  She scares the everliving bejesus out of me.

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4.  God bless her.  I’m tryin to throw my girl Meg a bone, but she makes it really tough when she says things like, “the first thing I thought were…”  My guess is she’s been hanging out with Tarantulashes for one rose ceremony too many.


5.  Jade’s overboard!!  Wait, Chris honey she doesn’t need your help!  She has magical inflatable lady bits in her shorts!  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, kindly refer to #1.


6.  Aw Jordan.  I admire her for coming back all sober and humble.  I didn’t even recognize her.


7.  Ohmigod.  Ashley & I like, TOTALLY have the same outfit on!  Except I haven’t worn a shirt dress shirt that small since I was 18 months old.  #marriagematerial right there, folks.  Look Ma, no pants!

Ashley and Stephanie as a Fat Baby

8. Best, most gracious and respectful reaction ever to Jordan crashing the group date.  I love her, and I’m friending her in real life in San Diego.  If he picks her or Whitney in the end, everything will be right in the world.


9.  GYAH.  Someone put all of us out of our misery and send this girl back to jersey.  “I was SO mind-boggled” might’ve been her best work this week.  I can’t wait until “The Women Tell All” when she tells us all how she was like, totally misunderstood this season and that the producers like, edited everything to make her look SEH. BAHD.



10. “I don’t think Ashley is pretending to be anything she’s not, and that’s the scary thing” = RIGHT on point, said my girl the high-pitched baby whisperer.  She’s like the queen of the artfully diplomatic dig.


11.  If ever you had any doubts about what Whitney just said about Tarantulashes, just take a gander… Anybody have any questions?

What a gem

12. Seriously?  The “I’ve never seen fire before!” reaction and the hopscotch Mouseketeer meltdown a whole *10 minutes* after we almost had to call the Wambulance over her lifelong phobia of heights?  …I call phoney baloney.  Also, if she doesn’t close her mouth, she’s gonna catch every bug in New Mexico.  Which is actually right next to Uruguay, you know.  Just ask my girl Meghan.

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13.  Now listen.  I’m not suggesting Kelsey pull an Ashley and show up in baby clothes that scarcely cover her moose knuckle, but if it had been me and I were about to go in for the kill with Chris, I PROBABLY wouldn’t have gotten decked out in my best LL Bean Soccer Mom get-up and popped Shirley Temple hot rollers in my hair ‘fore I traipsed over to his room.  Just sayin’.  But hey – I gotta give it to her.  She’s one pretty pilgrim.


14.  Kelsey may *look* like cross between Olive Oil and a Pilgrim… but this chick actually might be Lucifer, with the personality of a piece of Melba Toast.  For the record, these were the faces she was making as she actually spoke the words: “Isn’t my story tragic story so AMAZING?  I love my story.” While smiling.  It made my insides curdle.

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15.  This is what Gus thinks of Kelsey, and the feigned panic attack (eye roll) that flung the rose ceremony into next week….


…Oz has spoken.

Have a great week, kids!!

Steph's Scanned Signature