House Beautiful

Tag Archive for 'whitney bischoff'

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Bachelor Week 7: Whitney for President

Kids, my apologies in advance… somehow, last night’s episode got deleted from my DVR (*COUGH* – KYLE), so I have no dice on the hilarious screen grabs that usually accompany these posts.  We’ll have to kick it old school / in black & white this week… though I did steal a few from ABC and from my sister-floozies who also blog about the Bach…

1.  I ADORE Whitney.  She is a class act, and I love how obvious it is that he’s in love with the person she is on the inside.  Remember when she told him her tragic story, but in an “FYI, this is what happened and I’m just preparing you for next week and don’t feel sorry for me because I’m still so blessed and it made me the person I am” way?  GYAH.  She’s got this season in the BAG.  The end.  #whitneyforpresident

Whitney Bischoff

2.  I do love her, and she’s not sporting as much cakeup as say – my homegirl Tarantulashes – but I’m still kind of itching to see her au naturel / without a Tammy Faye Baker tease or bouffant in the front.  I’m pretty sure she’s just as gorge without makeup.  Also… is she unofficially sponsoring Lululemon?

3.  Britt is DEFINITELY stunning and definitely looks like a cross between Angelina Jolie + Vanessa Williams…  but have you also noticed that she kind of has the face of a cute little 4-year boy?  Or, a chipmunk.


4.  I effing LOVE CHRIS for giving her the boot… when she kept trying to interrupt him in that epic 4th grade battle of who-can-break-up-with-whom-first and he just said, “that’s not how I want my wife to act,” my living room ERUPTED.  See ya sistah.  Also…  the wailing / crying tantrum outside, like someone had just taken away her Tonka Twucks??  Fer f*#&’s sake, get it together.

Britt via ABC

5.  Jade’s dad was so sweet.  I’m also pretty sure he had to have knocked up Jade’s mom when they were 14, because he might be 13.2 years older than his daughter.

6.  Jade’s brother = what Jade looked like during her awkward stage.

7.  I love that after she delighted in showing him her lady bits on the internet, she wore a full length, long sleeve dress to the rose ceremony.  GURL – the jig is up.  We’ve all seen your labia flapping in the wind.  That’s a doodle that can’t be undid… thanks, Jason Biggs.

Jade showing Chris Playboy, via ABC

8.  Becca is so sweet… but God bless her, so young.  I almost called her one dimensional, but that’s not entirely fair.  I think she’s just young.  I also thought her hometown date was like that scene from the Thomas Crown Affair when there are 100 dudes walking around in the same outfit with the same hat, à la Magritte’s Son of Man painting… or when you go to pick out a puppy from a litter and all 12 of them look the same… all the chicks had the same hairdo!  I couldn’t even pick her out of a lineup.


9.  Also, I’d drop kick my sister if she’d lobbed me under the bus like that.

Becca's Sis

10.  Kaitlyn’s Mom might ACTUALLY have been the love guru from the Yoga porn episode… or, Janet from Three’s Company.  Her fam and that whole kumbahya scene was sweet.  She’s hysterical and I’ll be sad to see her go.

11.  Speaking of family, I thought what Whitney’s sister said to Chris (“Call me when you’re actually ready to propose and we’ll talk then“) was totally fair.

12.  Raise your hand if – when Chris was about to have to go spew his swimmers into that cup – everyone wasn’t wondering if he was gonna flip a Playboy open and see Jade.

13.  I was also sad to see Carly go, even though she was totally in the friend zone with Chris… her calling Britt out was so on point, every time.  Also.  I’m pretty sure I almost saw her little Jade in that blue mini-dress with the lapels.


14.  I almost started crying when Chris started crying.  Bless his heart, I love him.

Chris Soules Crying

15.  Also – did you guys see this tweet by Sean Lowe??  (…that’s Whitney’s apartment) – effing hilarious.

Sean Lowe Tweet

I’m off my game without the DVR!  What did I forget??

xoxo & Happy Tuesday, floozies!

Steph's Scanned Signature