Bachelorette: Week 2 Recap

If you’re late to the game and missed Week 1, here you go: Night 1 | Night 2.

1.  HAAAAAAAAA – “Cupcake” in air quotes is amazing.  I die.

2.  Ben Z knocking the speed bag off the doohickey is JUST the sort of thing that wet dreams are made of.

3.  Dude, I seriously can’t take this guy.  I actually screamed “EWWWWW!” when he kissed Kaitlyn… like it was a personal affront to girls everywhere.  It was so yucky I thought about paying Gus in Scooby Snacks to scratch my eyes out.

Also…  if he had ever seen Steel Magnolias then perhaps he would’ve known what Shelby’s Daddy always says: ‘an ounce of pretention is worth a pound of manure.’ Last: if he’s smarter than 90% of the guys there, then how come he doesn’t know “underspoken” isn’t a word?

4.  Amy can’t handle him either, and I love her for it.  Best line of the night? “…maybe when he sees the show he’ll reflect on himself and not be such a turd.” FJkldjskljfklajkljakjakja.  Also, if you missed her shutting him down, check it out here.

5.  Let’s play the doppelgänger game real quick, shall we?

…I mean, obviously.

 

Uncanny.

#truth.

WHOA.

Do you think grown-up baby Oscar aka Clint will resurrect the yellow onesie if we ask nicely? #stillthecutest

HAjahdjshajdkhajkhajhajhaahakha.  Sorry pal.

6.  Dear Boys EVERYWHERE: Take note… passing notes is just about the cutest move of all time.  Especially because none of us have been passed a note since the 7th grade.  If you don’t believe me, just look at Kaitlyn’s face:

…and if you still don’t believe me, why don’t you call that now 26-year old hunky dreamboat in Minneapolis we’ll call “Show Pony” who walked by me in the operating room 3 years ago in super slow mo, looked me right in the eye with gooey boyish confidence in super John Hughes rom com style, and handed me a folded up piece of college-rule notebook paper.  I think I peed in my scrubs… and then I think I let him take me on a date that night.  See?  Works every time.

7.  White Fang’s beard seriously looks like everyone in San Diego’s yard right now.  We may have to pop some Miracle Gro or fertilizer in his aftershave.

8.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Baby Oscar’s boutah give my boyfriend Ben Z a run for his money.  Timeouttimeouttimeout: Did he seriously just say “I think you took my breath away today”???  Ehhhrrrmahgarh.  I love him.

  

9. …wait.  Tony honey back up and lemme try to wrap my brain around that dissertation of indiscernible nonsense you just spat out.  See – Bart’s in a trance and just as confused as I am.

10.  Um is this the best group of dudes EVER (???) cuz they just graciously decided to give the guys who hadn’t gotten any time with Kaitlyn some time at the beginning of the rose ceremony.  So sweet.  Oh wait!!!  Dem Toofs aka JJ just ruined it by being a jack a$$.

11.  I feel the same way about JJ already in week 2 the way that I felt about the likes of Juan Pablo, Nick aka chews-on-rocks from Andi’s season, and Chris Bukowski. Also… I LEGIT think JJ fills his bleaching trays with red wine + coffee before he goes to bed.  Cuz they’re 50 shades of purple & brown.  PS: did you know you should bite into a piece of cheese if you’re gonna drink red wine at a party?  It creates a film over your teeth so they don’t turn (as) red.  BOOM.

12.  I’ve actually NEVER liked Kaitlyn more than when she took no prisoners and sent Kuba aka Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs packing.  Strong move, sister.  I also thought it was really sweet when – before she gave out the rose on the date – she went around the room and talked about a few things she loved about her conversation with a few guys.  Classy move.

13.  Did he take 7 shots of testosterone before the rose ceremony?  Perhaps Tony needs to come outside and do a little kumbaya with Kuba to settle him down.

14.  Dear ABC: this is seriously becoming the most annoying habit.

15.  I swear I smell incense burning and see peace signs everywhere. #woodstock2015

That’s all I got!  Have a great restuh the week!

xoxo,