House Beautiful

The Met Gala Aka the Fashion Prom Happened Last Night and Here’s Our Colorful Commentary

So, like our 125-word title alluded to, last night was the “first Monday in May” and you gals know what that means… it means it was the muhfuggin’ MET GALLLLLAAAAAAAAAA! Throw your Listerine strips and lip stain into your clutch and head on over to the Gates of Hell aka our brains, where we’re dishing on ALL the looks from last night. Here goes:

K: Taylor. Taylor Taylor Taylor. We’re probably gonna get slammed by Steph who shape shifts into an overexcited pubescent 14-year-old girl at the mere mention of T Swift, but doll – you’re the Co-Chair of this event; you had Andre Leon Talley at your fashion consultancy fingertips. I’m getting sensory overload, and not in a good way. The lipstick, the ruffles, the cut outs, the silver snakeskin, it’s too much Boo! But I’m lovin’ the new blonde hue. Like, loving.

S: I plead the 5th I PLEAD THE 5th.  I’ll admit, I was underwhelmed, but ditto on the Clorox weave, and I’m still voting Taylor Swift for President… In 2020.  Cuz Gus (#gusgusforpresident) is obviously a shoo-in for 2016.

T Swift | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: T Swift’s arch nemesis, Ms. Katy Perry. Or is that Jared Leto with a beehive? What is she doing?! “Do you eh-vur feellll like Marge Simpson’s sis… wit da black beehiiiiiveee…Gurl you so got ‘dis…”

S: WHAT IN THE SAM HILL.  This really is Jared Leto.  I can’t deal.

Katy Perry Amy Schumer | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: The Childlike Empress from The NeverEnding Story took the wrong path in life and ended up a dominatrix. Happens to the best of us. #TandA

S: Ouch.  I just reflexively grabbed my knockers, cuz all I see when I look at that is nipples chafing on that scratchy lace.  That outfit looks like a walking torture device.

Madonna Amy Schumer | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Like a mental palette cleanser after the last few pictures. Thank you, you vision of perfection, you.

S: GOD IT’S SO GOOD.  And look how clean and pretty her makeup is.  She all freshly scrubbed and lovely.

Kendall Jenner

K: Just a girl, her Lip Kit and her sis Kim’s 2015 wardrobe. Could be worse.

S: I actually really love this.  Maybe one of my favorite looks of the night, combined with the super simple bob.  I hesitate to give the Kardashians props because – Karrie, as you and I discussed while wedding pre-gaming in our PJ’s on Saturday – watching the Kardashians makes both our souls hurt.  But they’ve got strong Balmain game, and I just can’t hate it.

Kylie Jenner

K: We are not worthy. Ciara is ALWAYS hot sex on a platter, and tonight she evoked a beautiful 2016 version of Halle Berry’s “Storm” character from X-Men. That was the dorkiest sentence I’ve ever written.

S: Am I so boring?  I loved this – LOVE – but all I see from the neck up is George Washington and his powder wig.


K: I want her hair to be a little more Va Va Voom and less Camaro hair, and for her makeup to *pop* – but I so loved her cutout dress. It’s fun, futuristic, and real purdy.

S: My girl.  This is perfection.  And I dig the 80’s Camaro hair.  I think if it were too big and bouncy, it’d look like the inverse of the dress, on her head.

Kate Hudson | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Dark, ominous, and I’m feeling the knee high boots trend. And she’s beautiful… but she’ll always be Yolanda Foster’s naive younger daughter to me.

S: I thought this was Gisele with dark hair.  That’s what you get when the only reality TV you watch is the Bachelor.

Bella Hadid | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Gurl, you’re so close. The hair, the bedroom eyes, they’re working. But the matchy matchy dress (though a somewhat flattering cut) with the red shoes and the red purse? Gurl, no.

S: I love her.  But this is like a modern day version of Death Becomes Her.

Amy Schumer | Met Gala | Covet Living


S: He’s so ridiculous.  Remember when he played chicken with me in the parking lot at Nobu Malibu?  What a d*ck.  That outfit is like bedazzled 80’s cowboy skating rink chic.

Kim and Kanye | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: If you’d asked my 6-year-old self what I wanted to wear every day when I was a grown up, I would’ve said “A Cinderella gown… a Cinderella gown that glows in the dark, yeah, that’s what I want”.  And just look at her face. She’s reverted back to HER 6-year-old self in that dress! She’s a princess and she knows it! Ok I’m getting really excited.

S: I ABSOLUTELY. POSITIVELY. CANNOT EVEN.  She’s never looked more beautiful. Ever.  Carrie Mathison hands-down stole the whole damn show.

Claire Danes | Met Gala | Covet Living

Claire Danes lit up | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: She slayed it! I love the contrast of the big ol’ metal belt with the cutout knit.

S: Ode to how I love a good doily!

Alessandra Ambrosio | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Don’t let the LEMONADE-colored, cowlick-ruffly dress fool you. As seen by that stare this lil’ sis will CUT YOU if you get too close to her big sis. Lest we forget the pummeling Hov received in the elevator last year.

S: Big Bird meets the Jetsons.  Meets what happens when I brush my hair.  The end.

Solange Knowles | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: I picture her saying, in her singsong Aussie voice, Ohhhh look at me, in my galactic beauty of a shimmery dress. I am a beautiful goddess of the stars, a swan so perfect and regal. 

S: What Karrie said.

Nicole Kidman | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: We’re just as stunned as you that SJP came wearing a look that reads more Hamilton and less Flaming Hot Cheetoh’s like her previous Gala looks. I’m actually surprised this is what she chose to wear. And undecided on this one.

S: I can’t focus on the outfit cuz I’m so distracted by how tired her eyes look.  I applaud her for not having gotten all nipped & tucked, if that’s the case, but poor kid should’ve taken a nap before the Met Ball.

Sarah Jessica Parker | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: BOW DOWN everyone; the original Qween Cindy Crawford was there, reminding everyone in attendance that they were in diapers when she was running sh*t. And she looks regal AF.


Cindy Crawford | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Not quite sure this look fits into the “Fashion in an Age of Technology” theme, but we’ll give it to her – she’s got a great 40s siren thing going for her. She’s gorgeous. And needs to keep her dogs out of Australia.

S: Love the hair, love the shoes, hate the dress.  Not flattering in the least in the midsection, and we know she’s got a gorgeous bod.

Amber Heard | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: {Checks time on watch} Sigh… How much time do we have? I guess she’s still trying to emulate Bowie or whatever (giveitup) but I feel we’ve seen this on her before. And by “this” I mean a whole ensemble of ill-fitting hosiery, shiny underthings and glittery bodices. God, if I had a nickel for every time I muttered those words. Oh, and Tess McGill called; she wants her ‘do back.

S: Yawn.  Also, I’d still like to borrow her fiancé.  Like, forever.

Gaga | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Why did this just evoke Evita in my head?

S: Meh.

Demi Lovato | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Why did this just make me crave an Andes mint?


Hailee Steinfeld | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Karolina Kurokova – in a Marchesa x IBM collaboration dress with LED LIGHTS EMBEDDED WITHIN are you kidding me? SO rad.


Karolina Kurokova | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: She always looks like a porcelain doll, or a beautiful wax figurine. I can actually hear the computer sounds beeping in my head as my brain tries to compute this outfit, and while I don’t fully get it, it does look pretty on her.

S: That bejeweled bodice weighs 4x more than she does.  This is a human example of how an ant can carry around like, 200x its body weight.

Kate Bosworth | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: How I imagine Wonder Woman will dress in 2085, and that is maybe one of the higher compliments I’m shelling out tonight.

S: I… I…. I……. I can’t.

Alicia Vikander | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: I can’t name a damn thing she sings; literally not one. Nor do I think she’s Becky With the Good Hair, as is rumored (best publicity she ever got, btw). But I DO know I liked this outfit on Beyonce and Kim Kardashian when they each wore a version of this dress a handful of times in 2015.

S: I like the pop of white silvery eyeshadow in her eyes.  I think she looks gorgeous.

Rita Ora | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: And speaking of, this year Bey poured herself into a latex mold. Comparatively understated to previous years, but she’s obviously just trying to stay under the radar and away from swingin’ Solange.

S: Did you see this from the back?  What a boss.  Her bod has also never looked better.  And I love the pop of the blue/grey eyeshadow.  She is perfection.

Beyonce | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: WHAT a beautiful train. She is so graceful. PS she’ll always be the feisty roommate in Center Stage to me. Moving on…


Zoe Saldana | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: I’m not at all bitter that I could do 1000 ab crunches a day and still not have abs like Olivia Wilde at 6 months pregnant. I don’t know if these two saw each other at Mommy & Me and thought it’d be fun to share a limo on the way over, but it’s adorable as hell. And though I’m not loving the blue hue of Emily’s dress, Olivia’s look is just the perfect mix of edge and futuristic glam.

S: I can’t take it.  These two are a vision.  And I actually think Emily’s dress – in different light, looked amazing (Look at the 2nd pic…)  But Wilde is positively killin’ it.  I also love both of their hair slicked back and simple and clean like that, so we can see their pregnancy glowy-fresh faces.

Emily Blunt and Olivia Wilde

blunt and wilde

K: My eyes keep wandering between her gorgeous face and perfectly goth lipstick and her nude, gold-beaded Valentino dress. Nothing is wrong with her. Nothing is ever wrong with her. I love her.

S: Fave.  Of all time.  Is it still too late for her & Noah to get back together??

Rachel McAdams | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: First, her extensions are way better than the nappy ones I once got at a Wigs N’ Weave and then wore two years past the suggested timeframe. Also, her dewy Bambi makeup is subtle and very pretty. But what’s with the vacant Valley of the Dolls gaze? How many quaaludes did she pop before the event?

S: This dress looks like what my Grammy would’ve snapped up in the Alfred Dunner section at Elder Beerman to wear to my wedding.  Under a matching jacket.

Katie Holmes | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Of course everything about her is perfect, but yeah, just felt safe to me. Good for the Globes, but for this futuristic Gala, go the f*ck all out!

S: Agreed.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: She’s barely recognizable! I love the asymmetrical cut and the brunette locks on her (for her next role as Billie Jean King – badass). Draped in a cream gown with a silver corset embellished with floral accents, I thought she looked stunning. And like she could be a Queen in GOT.


Emma Stone | Met Gala | Covet Living

K: Just no. What… no.

S: Um.  From the 4th of July fireworks collection circa 1986.  Girl, no.

Dakota Fanning | Met Gala | Covet Living

That’s it for us. What’d ya guys think? Tell us tell us!


karrie and steph signature

4 Responses to “The Met Gala Aka the Fashion Prom Happened Last Night and Here’s Our Colorful Commentary”

  • erin@whalingcitycottage

    Rachel killed it. Killed! But people went crazy with the metallics, like it’s the only futuristic material or concept they could think of. Also…I love you guys. You crack me up.

  • We need to get you gals a red carpet gig w/mics. So spot-on that I tinkled twice (Katy? Jared?). I love that TSwift finally 86’d the Revlon fuchsia lipstick and jr. prom curls but her outfit is straight out of Barbarella. Kanye truly is the Grand Marshall of the d-bag parade, and looks like the devil child at the end of “Angel Heart.” I do think SJP had her eye tweaked: Look at photos of her even five years ago when her eyes were round. Now she looks like a preying mantis. I also have a huge girl crush on Rachel McAdams who was tied w/Claire Danes for my fave total look. xox

  • Typo: praying mantis. However spelled, you’re right: very distracting. I wish these beautiful women would allow themselves to age w/grace instead of looking like puppets.

  • JZazz from Jersey

    One call from JB, which is like a bat signal and I quickly got on the blog and read your recap…If I was wearing mascara, it would be down my face. You had me at “Katy Jared”. And Madonna?? Fail. And I think its safe to stay she sleeps in a coffin. As for poor Katie..girl should have stayed “Holmes”. Kim and Kanye, please go away. And Solange, aka big bird.. Why? How?

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