Mrs. Claus. This is what a Xmas day outfit consists of in Florida.
For as long as I can remember (“My memory is long, my memory is very very long” – which movie?), my dear, sweet, kooky mother, aka TINA!, has been preaching about the materialism and consumerism of Christmas time. I mean, just straight up bah-humbugging the whole holiday because she can’t stand the commercials, the over indulgence, all the general hoopla of people spending loads of $$$ on items.
So, Mom, this year’s Dear Santa list is dedicated to you. Yes, every last item on this list. All of it. Dedicated… to you. Love ya! Without further ado, a smattering of the goodies I’m wanting this holiday season:
1. A replacement for my shabby, fake Louis Vuitton purse finagled from some shady dude in an alley in NYC two years ago. I’m a hussler, baby. I’m currently jonesing for a Lauren Merkin Paige Duffel because they’re cute, they’re professional, and well, that’s what I pretend to be (the professional part).
2. Books. More books. And then, a few more. Specifically:
And these:
Thanks B for the Sunday Soup tip!
3. The Panasonic Lumix LX3, which takes drool-worthy, high clarity pictures AND fits into a purse. OH – and is a fraction of the price of fancy DSLRs.
4. Tracy Anderson’s Metamorphosis DVD series. Because at 3 AM when you wake up on the couch with the TV on and this infomercial blasting, it gets your attention. Because when Gwyneth Paltrow appeared on Oprah and showed viewers her dance/workout routine with her trainer Tracy, we all kinda sat up and took notice.
5. A new pair of Lululemon pants (mine were stolen from the gym, that’s how great they are) to wear during said Tracy Anderson Metamorphosis. You guys, trust me, I get that these are a pretty penny. But they’re so, so, so worth it. They last forever, and they make your arse look like you could bounce a quarter off it.
The original Groove Pant
6. Clarisonic Classic Sonic Skin Cleansing System – For some reason three girls at work have all gotten this recently, and they all extol the virtues of this handy deep cleaning tool for your skin.
7. Jen Aniston perfume – Supposedly inspired by the scents of jasmine and the ocean. It smells just lovely, y’all.
“That skinny b*tch Angelina doesn’t have her own perfume…”
8. The be all, end all of blushes, Nars Orgasm Blush. Because there really just isn’t anything better than giving your new in-laws your Santa list with a product containing the word “orgasm”.
9. This absolutely gorgeous bib necklace, for when I’m a Kardashian one day and can actually afford it.
10. Ok, actually, Mom, I’m gonna cut the list short. I had a couple other things in mind, but really, I have enough. I know. So I’ll move on.
Mom on the right, making a face for pics, as per usual.
I hope everyone is having a really wonder holiday wherever you are, and Dear Stephanie: If I don’t get a loopy message from you after the Burris All School Reunion later tonight, your butt’s toast.
xoxo!
