House Beautiful

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Bach Recap: Hometowns

1. First of all, my bad for slacking on Bach posts the last few weeks.  A) I have legit been SEH. BIZAY. (ps don’t you hate it when people complain about being busy? …eyeroll), but also, B) Honestly, if you read the ‘ol CL we LOVE ya for it (!) but if you read it and never comment or let out a peep, it’s like a fart in the wind.  So sometimes we never realize you’ll miss it if we don’t blog, cuz we generally think only Tina & Jayne (our moms) read Covet Living.  My point is: look alive, folks!  PS: this is how I watched the Bach on Hulu last night.  As it should be: in my big white fluffy bed (#TheCloud) with a Taco Bell nacho supreme in my lap.  And a hovering Gus.


EHHHMAHGAH LOOK AT HIS FACE!  Did you know Gus has his own Insta?  I know – it’s cat lady status material but he’s the coolest, so whatever.


2. Why must they ALWAYS gallop towards each other?  I get it – it’s TV – but c’mon.  It’s not a Disney movie.


2.5. Diss da sweetest thing.


3. Where are this child’s lace-up Viking boots that she’ll outgrow next week from?  The Gymboree outpost at the Ritz Carlton in Aspen?  Pretty sure I was wearing Keds and Jellies from Wal-Mart at that age.


3.5. Be still my heart.  He’s a doll.


4. I love how “my feelings for Amanda are stronger than ever” segued STRAIGHT into this situation.  Otherwise known as “birth control.”


It’s the same thing that happens to me in the checkout line at the grocery store. Love little chickens – can’t wait to have ’em someday – but then I hear the shrill shriek of a tantrum from 2 inches away, and suddenly I’m okay with the fact that I get to sleep in in peace on Saturday mornings.

sweeter than child's laughter

5. Timeout: why are his shorts so tight?  This pic isn’t the best demonstration – maybe he ate a bunch Cheetos and got bloated after this – but I promise they were Speedos.  That’s contraception enough.  Dems swimmas aren’t goin ANYWHERE next week on the overnight dates.  Solid prep work, bud.


6. All I could think when Ben was looking at the whiskey wall like it was his dream come true was whether or not he was really thinking on the inside, “do I spy any Boone’s Farm up there?”


7. Do you think Lauren B and Emily Henderson are aware that they were separated at birth?  Just curious.

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8. If Doogie Howser and Dylan McKay ever played swords, they would’ve created Lauren B’s sweet little rosy-cheeked brother.  I give him props for single-handedly bringing back the 90’s.

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9. Oh MYYYYYYYYY.  Lauren B for the WIN!  He LOOOOOOOOVES HER.  Errbuddy else can go home.  Also – her sister’s REAL cute.


10. If Mr. Lauren B eats like, 847 boxes of Girl Scout cookies and doesn’t shave between now and November, he could totes pass for Santy Claus.  Such a jolly happy soul!


11. Did Ben just say “precipice”?  …interesting.  Chalk one up for the public school system in our great home state of Indiana.

12. Why do I feel like Hello Kitty just pulled an index card from the fishbowl of questions at the Miss America pageant and is now giving her dissertation about her goal for world peace?


13. That is one enviable weave.


14. I actually love Willy Wonka the Toy Man – he’s a sweet, insightful man.  But I couldn’t get this out of my head:

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15. I love him for asking Caila’s parents what’s it’s been like for them.  Most socially aware and considerate bachelor of all time.


16.  I also love Willy Wonka for telling Ben he can’t imagine how tough it must be to be in his shoes.  Kumbahyah everybody.

17.  Hey girl heeeeeey! Next month you should totes get all pastel rubberbands for Easter.  Signed,  I’m going to h*ll.


18. Cailia’s dad’s blurb was one of the best things I’ve ever heard: “(paraphrasing)…if you find the right person and marry them, you’ll never regret it for one day of your life.

18.5. Remember when Jojo mentioned her ex-boyfriend and Ben was all:


19. The Jo Bros – aka the guy wearing a shirt from Baby Gap who looks like his name is Tony and the guy who reminds me of a Pastor with a lisp – are the Property Brothers!  Camp Finkle IS Camp Einhorn.  Slash this is reminiscent of the tragic scene from Des’ season with her tragic brother.  I call Jojo as the next Bachelorette.


20. It’s been awhile since I took a math class, but this equation puzzles me to no end.

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21. Am I wrong?

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Doppelgänger math equation aside, I actually really loved Jojo’s mom and thought she was super sweet.

22. Also, this is amazing.  Do it girl.  Screen shot courtesy of former CofC Tennis Stud and fellow Bach fanatic Bill Brehmer.


23. Hey.  He ain’t wrong.  Solid point, Pastor Jo Bro.


24. If anyone asked me if I wanted to hang out with the Jo Bros come Thanksgiving, this is how I’d respond.

kid hiding

24.5. I felt the same way buddy.  They were EXHAUSTING.  And a little too unfair to Ben I thought. Hate the game, not the playa, yo!


25. If my family had acted like that on my hometown, I’d be wearing that dress too. DAYYYUM JOJO!  The spank banks of teenage boys everywhere thank you.


26. DANG. They just don’t make sweet sensitive boys like him… ‘cept in the Midwest.


27. The Dennis the Menace and Doogie Howser outtake/firing squad??  AMAZING.


And, since I’m such a jerk, here go you.  Weekly reminder that we’re all special.

casa covet living | margaritas

Peace out!!!

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Bachelor Recap, Week 3: Peter Brady is a Lover.

1.  Since the Bachelor airs 3 hours earlier on the east coast than here, every Monday around 6pm my time my phone explodes with “EHMAHGAH no she just DIH-N’T!” and the like.  Last night I got not one, not two, but **three** Olivia-themed texts in a span of literally 30 seconds.  This, my friends, was my favorite of the three.  Cuz it’s the most spot-on doppelgänger I’ve ever seen.

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2.  “Lace is reaching the end of her dynamite stick” = Hello Kitty drops mic.  Can’t judge a cartoon by its color people.  Even Sanrio’s got sass.


3.  “There is a mean girl in there” (Minnie Mouse & Lauren B talking about Olivia) = the tribe of sweet girls in the house has spoken. Spot on peeps!  Pass the cream & sugar.


4.  What is it about Lauren B?  She’s not the most drop dead gorgeous in the room, but… Ooh, I know. She’s a totally well-adjusted, kind, caring, beautiful in her own way and totally normal girl.  With good values.  She is PRECIOUS.  Slash girl – you can come home to my home state any time. #laurenforprez


5.  I DIE.


6.  That’s a great disheveled updo.  This chick can do no wrong.  PS he LUUUUUUVS her.


7. “What does life look like for you?” = a question ALL DUDES should weave into their repertoire. And guys – y’all know this right?? You’re amazing at answering questions about yourselves but y’all NEVER really ask them… ‘spesh not the important ones like our golden boy Ben just did. Consider this the best advice you’ve ever gotten and get on your game.


8.  Slash did Ben just say, “l forgot the depth at which that kind of love exists.”?? Good LAWWWD, who IS he??  Besides a legit endangered species.

9.  “I have zero ball handling skills” = Oh… honeybun.  We don’t say things like that out loud.

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10. These situations remind me of those rare Saturday nights after a few pops when I come home and have an impromptu crying fest for no reason…


…and then wake up the next day and realize this:


11. Introducing Santa’s favorite Elf.


12. Listen. I’ll give props to ANY Bachelorette who rolls up her sleeves and takes a dive in the dirt. But is she still the keeper of the year wheeeeeennn the ball comes towards the goal in super slow mo?


13. STUNNER.  Look at her skin.  Dang girl.  I hope the exit limo took her straight to Neutrogena to sign on as their new spokesperson.


14. Hey.  Less shopping at Bebe / less complaining / more just-sack-up-and-go talk to him. You’re too old to be acting this silly.


Update… oh my.  She just took that advice to the bank didn’t she?  Went right on in for it.  And not smoothly but hey.  It got her a rose, I guess.

15. This exchange = the most hilarious and also disconcerting (maybe ever) on this show: “Wait… was it my ankles?? …Wait, my toes?” // “Girl… Your toes like aren’t cute.”


16. The fact that he doesn’t have painted-on abs / didn’t train with Cody before the season / has a high school senior’s version of Dad-Bod makes me love him a little bit more… maybe cuz there’s a lack of vanity there but probably cuz he’s been too busy like, bandaging refugees in whatever 3rd world country he’s always volunteering in.


In other news: how many squats and dead-lifts do I have to do to make my rear-end sit up as high as Jubilee’s does???  Dayyyyyyyyyyuuuuuummmm.

17. PS, I really like Jubilee, but I can’t take girls seriously when they say things like: “I’m the most complicated person here.”  Gurl.  C’mon.

18. Dear Olivia. Let’s disregard everything about anyone besides you – including the fact that Ben just lost some people who are obviously dear to him – so that we can focus (more) on you, and talk about your trivial insecurities e.g. your corns and cankles. You a-hole. Does she have a soul?  ..Pretty sure the answer is no, and pretty sure he already knows it.


19.  I’ll tell ya who does have a soul: Minnie Mouse.  Cuz the first thing she did was ask him how he was and try to comfort him.

20.  #nomnomnom – reason #957 why we love Lauren B.  Because no one has ever take a bigger bite of Caesar salad. Ever.  PS: look at Jubes back there… this was that scene when the girls were being REAL b*tchy – e.g. JoJo.  And here I thought JoJo and I were friends / I was pulling for her last week.  Jury’s out.


21. This is the best decision Lace has ever made on the show.  Bless her heart.


22. Does Olivia know his first name is Ben? AKA not benhiggins like it’s one word? Slash somebody get that girl a Neutrogena oil pad stat.

23. This whole situation was NOT COOL.  And so silly.  And def not smart on Amber’s part.



That’s all I got!  Except… Jason Mesnick’s socks in the little After-the-Bach special, which I was about to turn off but had to pause and look closer, JUST to make sure I understood what I was seeing.  Such a goofball.



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