House Beautiful

Workout DJ: Loves Pasta, Hates Tight Pants

Yowza.  Mama’s let herself go a little lately, and I don’t just mean for Thanksgiving.  Not sure if it’s the cold that makes me want to eat comfort food that sticks to my ribs whilst I’m wrapped in a Snuggie, or if it’s just one of my boycott working out phases, but dang.  It’s time to resurrect my old friendship with the treadmill again, before I up & bust a seam in my pants…  or sprout a muffin top.  Because there are fun, sparkly Christmas & New Years get-ups I’d like to wiggle into.  Plus, I realize winter’s right around the corner, but I’m not a polar bear, and I’m not heading into hibernation, so this extra layer of goop on my person is just not necessary.  I’ve been eating a lot of this lately:

…and not working out.  And as a result of which, this is actually what I feel like on the inside:

Buzz, your GIRL-friend…  WUF!

Here’s the thing:  I’m still a size 6.  From the outside, it doesn’t look like much has changed, cuz I’m tall and it’s all spread out.  But in reality, I’m 15 pounds heavier than someone my height should be.  That takes a serious toll on your joints, holmes.  And since I had my blood pressure, BMI (body mass index) and all kinds of other things checked recently, I know that my innards and my heart aren’t as healthy as they have been in the past, or should be.  I also know that my “easy workout” was a real grind this week, so getting my a$$ back in shape is as much about staying strong and healthy as it is about looking good in my jeans.

With that said, here are some of my favorite Superwoman Songs that always get me movin (Parental Discretion Advised):

1.  Bad – U2:  This one’s pretty mellow but with a good beat that kicks up as it chugs along, like it’s climbing stairs or something. I like it as a warm-up.  It makes me think I’m running on a long, country road at sunrise.

2.  Smoke Weed Everyday – Snoop Dogg ft. Dr. Dre:  First of all, I do not puff the cheeba, and I’m not tellin you do it either…  but this jam chills hard, kind of quietly kick ass, and makes me run faster.  It reminds me of warming up for college volleyball matches, so sometimes I throw a few air punches on the treadmill with a scary scowl on my face.  Rawr.

3.  Lose Yourself – Eninem:  What up, epic SoCon Championship Match 2002?  This bomb diggity ditty was blaring in my Discman all weekend during the conference tournament my senior season of college volleyball.  The same tune that inspired me to ping balls on the 10-ft line then is like the wind at my back on a treadmill now.  PS: Smell ya, Georgia Southern.

4.  Good Vibrations – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch:  …You heard me.

5.  Teddybears – Cobrastyle:  Pretty peppy with a fun beat and indiscernible lyrics.  It makes me feel like I just drank Gummi Berry juice.

6.  Kids – MGMT:  Not only does this song make me want to run, it also makes me want to jump up and down, dance, and run around in circles.  And scream and bang on pots & stuff.

7.   Holding Out For A Hero – Bonnie Tyler:  Listening to this song makes me feel like I just strapped a CO2 cartridge on my back.  I could literally barrel down the treadmill at full speed for an hour with this on repeat…  while air boxing.  I usually put it at the beginning of my climb / uphill sprint, because if feels impossible for me to get tired while I’m listening to it.

8.  Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! – ABBA:  I get REAL excited at right about the 1:04 minute mark when the chorus is about to kick in.  This song is so perky that it helps me sustain a good, long stride during my “sprint.”

9.  Maneater – Nelly Furtado:  If I ever thought about hacking up a lung or heaving, this one with its killer beat keeps me trucking.

10.  Let It Rock – Kevin Rudolf & Lil Wayne:  Makes me want to sprint 1,000 miles and box someone in the face at the end.

11.  Poker Face – Lady Gaga:  I get it.  It’s passé.  Over for the rest of the universe.  It’s still hangin’ tough for me though.  It’s like someone just lit a fire underneath my painted-on little spandex shorts.

12.  Girlfriend in Africa – Jay Z/Toto Mash-up:  Uhhh, what on earth could possibly make my all-time fave 80’s jam better??  Jay-Z.

And when I’m done, I feel like this.  Strong, healthy, REAL stinky, but like I can do just about anything.

…including fit into my skinny jeans.  Few things, my friend, feel better than that.



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