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Ask Cory

Ever had those moments when you wished your guy best friend was around to smack you upside the head and give you brutally honest advice only a dude could give?  All the time?  Yeah, me too.  Well that’s where our newest and most scrum-dilli-umptious guest blogger, Cory, comes in.  Consider him your male White Oprah.  Yet without the Montecito mansion, love for cocker spaniels named Sadie and Sophie, or a BFF named Gayle.

What do boys reallllly think about a girl who makes the first move?  Need helpful suggestions for gifts for guys?  Just ask C-man.  He’ll give us his sage advice on all this stuff.  Annnnnnnnd he’ll look good doing it.

So without further ado, let’s ask him our first burning question:

Q: I met the cutest most amazing guy I’ve ever encountered recently.  For whatever reason – we got separated in the crowd, whatever – we didn’t exchange numbers, and I know that he’s not someone I’ll bump into again on accident.  I remember enough about him from our convo to find & friend him on Facebook.  Which may be my only shot at me and my future husband ending up together, but which will undoubtedly make me look like a bat shit crazy stalker right off the cuff.  What’s a girl to do?  Say ‘what the hay, what do I have to lose?’ and take a chance, or err on the side of caution and sanity?

A: A story to which so many people can fondly relate.  The morning after a night out.  Despite that lingering ringing in your ears, you still feel as giddy as you were the evening before.  There, among the blurry recollections of a bar, crowded spaces, and friends, are the vivid images of the most perfect individual you have ever met. You know it sounds naïve, but maybe, just maybe this person could be that one for you. You must see this person again. There is no telephone number, no email address, not even a mailing address.  Fortunately for you, and society in general, all you now need is a name.

Simply put, names are the new digits.  Facebook has made it easier than ever to meet, connect, and socialize with old and new friends alike.  So why would you hesitate to find Mr. Perfection on Facebook?

Let’s go with the obvious.  When giving out a telephone number, an individual expects that the recipient may call them.  The same is not so true with a name.  When introducing myself, I don’t necessarily invite the stranger to Google me (another topic for another time).  Despite Facebook taking transparency to a new level, people still have a concept of  “personal space” (I use this term loosely, and maybe a bit mockingly).  Anything in breach of such “personal space” may come off as stalker-ish.

Or maybe the trepidation involves gender roles. After all, it’s widely believed that men should initiate the courting process.  A lot has changed since the times of gallant knights and fair maidens, but I figure this much is still true:  Women want to be wooed.  It’s only reasonable to think that a fairytale begins with the man’s approach, right?  Not so.

It’s my personal opinion that women have always been the ones to do the initiating. I guarantee you that behind every man’s advance is a woman’s disarming look.  Women have been letting us know that it’s okay to pursue them since the beginning of courtship. At times it’s a look; other times, a tone of voice.  It could be as simple as giving us an audience, letting us know that we have your attention.  I don’t see why friending on Facebook can’t be just that?  Of course, the proper thing for him to have done was ask for your number. Boo on him.  But don’t let that interfere with your interest.

Find Mr. Perfection on Facebook and friend him.  Write him a message, not a wall post, along with the request that reads something simple, but true.  No games. Maybe even pick up a conversation that was cut short the night before:

“Mr. Perfection… I really enjoyed meeting you on such and such night. Rarely does one meet another person who also shares a passion for (drink you both like, dog you have in common, etc.).”

Do this, but don’t sound like me, and you’ll be fine. You did your part.

The real challenge is setting your expectations.  Friend him, forget him. No poking or checking in.  If there is not a response in kind, more than likely the interest isn’t reciprocated.  This is fine.  Rejection has never been so easy.  You never have to see this individual again.  Conveniently enough, you already don’t know him.

As much as every woman deserves her Serendipity moment, no one should have to wait for it.  I hate to call love in 2011 a numbers game, but it is.  You’ve already met this individual!  Seize the opportunity and don’t concern yourself with how it will appear.

Until the next time,